(By: Betty Mullinax)

To view this testimony on video, you can click on the following links:  Part 1  Part 2 

I grew up in a Christian family that I now realize was dysfunctional. I was born in the heart of the depression, the eighth and youngest child. My parents had a difficult struggle to feed and clothe seven children, and certainly were not happy over the thought of providing for another. They worried that the new baby would take food away from the other children. It was not my mother, or my father, who taught me my bedtime prayers, etc., but a sister who was nine years older than me. She became my favorite sister and we were very close. When I was about 15, she married a 'very upstanding, moral, Christian man' - one destined to be a true 'Pillar of the church'." Within three years they had two children, and my brother-in-law raped me. 

Times were much different then, and there was no where to turn. If I had gone to the authorities at that time, I would have been accused of being the guilty party, because men were never guilty of rape. The first incident happened when I awoke from a sound sleep to find him on top of me, with my sister and the two babies asleep in the next room. I was afraid that my sister would find out, and how she would be hurt, so I kept quiet - and the abuse lasted for three years. They moved from the area, but the abuse continued whenever I visited. In my mind at that time, it seemed the lesser of two evils to visit them. After all, what would people think if I refused to go? One time my brother-in-law told me never to get married, because as soon as his wife - my favorite sister - died, he would marry me.

All of this happened before I met my husband. I told him about being raped, but by this time so much was sealed deep in my subconscious, I basically only remembered that he abused me. Then this past January, I received word that my sister had died. Within a week, the "floodgates" of my subconscious were opened, and I relived all the horror - including what my brother-in-law told me years and years ago. They lived in another state, and it was impossible to go to the funeral, so shortly after her funeral I received in the mail a copy of her obituary and pictures of her in her casket. There was no letter, just these items were sent to me. This was more that I could handle. 

After about 45 years, I hurt like I never hurt before. I began extensive therapy, which was painful, but also helpful. With the constant support of my husband, and my family members (who loaned me this tape), and their unending prayers, I began to heal. I began to feel Christ working in my life, and taking away my sorrow and burden. I could pour out my feelings much as I am doing now - by writing. Our Heavenly Father was there every step of the way, and in July I burned all of the pages and pages I had written in a little private ceremony my husband and I held in a secluded forest, with feelings very similar as you experience at a gravesite. Watching these papers burn - with all the hurt and anger they contained - was so therapeutic for me.

Before January 1996, I was a person of very low self-esteem, doing everything for others to make them like me (conditional love). Now at the age of 66, I realize I am a person who has value, and more important, a person that God loves unconditionally . . . no matter what has happened.

There are two books we highly recommend to people who have been abused either physically or emotionally, or both. The first one: THE BONDAGE BREAKER, by Neil T. Anderson (ISBN 0-89081-787-1). The second: VICTORY OVER DARKNESS, by the same author (ISBN 0-8307-1375-1).

Also, please allow me to leave you with a few vitally important keys in getting set free... if you are a victim of sexual and/or emotional abuse. It is important for you to know that it was not God, but the DEVIL who was responsible for your victimization. Why did God allow the devil to abuse you? Like multitudes of others that have been victimized during their lifetime . . . we will have to wait until we get to heaven to get all the answers to questions like this. However, the Bible says that Satan is the prince of this world, (Ephesians 2:2) until Jesus returns a second time to completely dethrone him for a thousand years. Until then, Satan has the legal right to inflict evil wherever the opportunity presents itself. 

Though our heavenly Father provides a degree of angelic protection around each of us before we turn our lives over completely to Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, none of us have the 100% certainty that God is obligated to keep His protection around us just because we would like Him to. 

It is the responsibility of every adult to inform their children about Ephesians 6:10-18. If children are not taught at an early age to put on the FULL armor of God for their daily protection, parents are essentially giving Satan legal right to do with them as he pleases.

Angels from God assigned to protect us from evil are not always automatically dispatched all the time just because we become "Christians" either. Ephesians 6:10-18 implies that we are to ask daily for God to protect us from evil, and we are to trust Him to protect us, once we have asked. Doing so provides maximized protection from evil, along with doing the rest of what Ephesians 6:10-18 says Christians are to do for safety and peace of mind.

Having said this . . . if you happen to be a victim of abuse, here are a few key pointers in getting set completely free to experience maximized joy in your relationship with God.

First - you will need to forgive the person who abused you. You may "feel" like you can't possibly forgive that person, but Christ will give you the power to overcome your feelings (Philippians 4:13), if you will ask Him and trust Him to help you. Keep in mind -- you don't have to LIKE the person who abused you. But WHOLENESS cannot be fully experienced until a person goes to God and says, "Heavenly Father, I forgive that person who has violated me".

Counselors, both Christian and secular, have found that people never get completely free of their hurt and pain, addictions, bondage's, sicknesses and diseases . . . until they go through the forgiveness process. Holding on to unforgiveness gives Satan legal right to hold you back from experiencing ALL the wholeness, peace and joy that God wants you and I to have. 

Once you forgive whoever has hurt you, you will then be more able to receive the nearly unbelievable revelation that God loves sinner to saint equally the same, no matter what they have done. 

Know this about God. God does not show partiality when it comes to Him loving people unconditionally. He loves every human being EQUALLY THE SAME . . . no matter who they are, or what they have done . . . or WILL do in the future. He is able to do this because of the price Jesus paid on the cross. 

On the other hand, God HATES sin. God HATES the sin each of us commit, yet NEVER quits loving us unconditionally all the while we are committing that sin. 

Yet just because God loves people equally the same doesn't necessarily mean He LIKES people equally the same. God doesn't confuse LIKING people with LOVING people. Likewise, God doesn't expect His children to necessarily "like" their abusers. He DOES expect us to love them unconditionally though, but ONLY in accordance with God's definition of unconditional love, which is given in 1 Corinthians Chapter 13, through the power and ability of God that He provides for anyone and everyone who will trust Him for it.

Furthermore, just because God loves everyone equally the same doesn't keep that person from going to hell. God will love everyone in hell equally the same . . . for all eternity . . . but that won't lesson his or her judgment and subsequent penalty of suffering. 

Case in point: God loves Hitler unconditionally as much as he loves Billy Graham, or the Pope, or your Priest or Pastor, but God's unconditional love for Hitler isn't doing him a bit of good as he suffers in hell for eternity for what he did during his lifetime on earth. Unless Hitler asked Jesus Christ to forgive Him of all his sins prior to dying, and meant it from his heart, God's unconditional love toward him essentially no longer had any relevance, because upon dying, Hitler then had God's WRATH fully executed upon him. Holy Scripture says that God's WRATH is on each and every person who is born into this world (John 3:36), and there is only ONE WAY to have His wrath removed from us: become a born again Christian as John 3:3-8 says we must do. 

Knowing that God loves you UNCONDITIONALLY -- no strings attached -- is vitally important in getting set free from low self-esteem. But to know that God's WRATH has been removed from you because of His act of UNCONDITIONAL love in going to the cross and dumping His wrath on HIMSELF and dying that painful death . . . that will set your spirit free! 

We cannot EARN God's unconditional love. It's IMPOSSIBLE to earn, or be "good enough" to get it.

The only way to realize it's FREE for the taking is by receiving it with thanksgiving and gratitude. It's free to one and all with no strings attached.

Having God's WRATH removed from us because we were born into this world with the devil's sinful nature is ALSO a free gift. No one cannot become "good enough" to earn it, nor does any human being even really DESERVE it. Yet it is available -- totally FREE -- by simply reaching out and taking it. God wants EVERYONE to reach out and take it, yet many won't. Why? Because it makes no sense to them. People can't "see" God's wrath upon them; therefore they don't BELIEVE it's even on them, like scripture says it is. 

Would YOU like this very moment to have God the Father's wrath removed from you -- for all time and eternity? All you have to do is repeat this prayer out loud to God, and mean it from your innermost being:

"Heavenly Father -- I confess to you that I am a sinner, as your Holy Scriptures record. I come to you in the name of Jesus Christ, asking you to forgive me of my sins. 

Lord Jesus -- I ask you to be my Savior. I believe your death, burial, and resurrection was the sufficient sacrifice for payment of my sins: past, present, and FUTURE.

Lord Jesus -- I ask that you not only become my Savior, and trust you to be so . . . but I also ask You to become my Lord. 

I turn my life over to you now, Lord Jesus, and I give you everything I have to do as you please. I will follow wherever you lead me from this moment forward, and I will do all I can to study your Holy Scriptures and obey them.

I ask you, Lord Jesus, to baptize me in The Holy Spirit . . . whenever . . . and however . . . you so choose. I acknowledge to You my need for a Helper to now walk this Christian walk . . . and you said in Your holy scripture in the Book of John that you would send the Holy Spirit to be in your children to help them remain faithful to you and your Word during our lifetime.

Holy Spirit . . . I ask that you give me wisdom to never offend You from this moment forward, and that You will teach me how to make You, Jesus, and Heavenly Father my BEST friend. Amen."

If you have prayed this prayer and meant it . . . God's wrath has been removed from you once and for ALL. You now have God's FULL blessing on your life, and you have now entered into the NEW spiritual rebirth Jesus speaks of in John 3. Though you are just a spiritual infant -- you are now officially a saved, born again Christian, completely acceptable to enter the Kingdom of Heaven upon your death. Congratulations! Tell someone . . . tell the whole WORLD about what you have done. Share it with us either by email or by regular mail. We'll help tell the whole world about it along with you!

In closing . . . please tuck this truth away. You're going to need it. What do you do when you are tempted to sin in the future, which we all do on occasion (some do more so than others)? Simply apply 1 John 1:9: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Dear Reader - are you at peace with God? If not, you can be. Do you know what awaits you when you die? You can have the assurance from God that heaven will be your home, if you would like to be certain. You can even have that assurance RIGHT NOW! Either Jesus Christ died for your sins, or He didn't (He did!). Are you prepared to stand before God on the Judgment Day and tell Him that you didn't need the shed blood of Jesus Christ on the Cross to have your sins forgiven and get in right-standing with God? We plead with you...please don't make such a tragic mistake. 

To get to know God, to be at peace with God, to have your sins forgiven, to make certain heaven will be your home for eternity, to make certain that you are in right-standing with God right now ... please click here to help you understand the importance of being reconciled to God. What you do about being reconciled to God will determine where you will spend eternity, precious one. Your decision to be reconciled to God is the most important decision you'll ever make in this life, because in Christ, it is impossible to put a value on the worth of your soul in light of eternity.


JESUS DID IT! and...


Remember:  All that we do in this life comes back to our God-given purpose which is to serve and glorify God. The money and assets we accumulate, the fame and power we've attained or seek to attain - all of the things of this nature will one day pass away, but those lives of others we impact for Jesus Christ will last for eternity, and we will be rewarded for the part we helped play by impacting those lives ... for eternity.
(Matthew 6:19-21 is our assurance)