FREED FROM A HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLE

(By: Robert Curran)

I was trapped in a homosexual lifestyle.

Yet I was a success as far as the world defines success. I had a good job, a nice home, and I drove a Lexus! Does it get better than that? Oh yes, and a different guy every Saturday night. That all changed in the fall of 1995. Let me tell you what happened. 

I noticed a real cute guy who lived down the street. He drove a small truck with a Harvest Crusade bumper sticker. Now I had been a Mormon for 25 years, although not active in the Mormon faith all those years. I knew about Harvest Christian Fellowship, and Pastor Greg Laurie; it was part of the Calvary Chapel. And every year at the Anaheim Stadium they had a "Crusade " and a lot of long haired people who had nothing else to live for gave their lives to Jesus.

I thought if that is what this guy down the street believed, then I could "convert" him into being a homosexual real easy. I even sent him a note, although I didn't sign it.  No matter, I was going to somehow meet him and he would like me.  

Since he was a " born again Christian," I decided I had better get to know something about it. I had a C-Band Satellite dish, and got " Z " music channel, Christian Music MTV Style network. I bought some CD's:  Michael Card, Wayne Watson, and Gary Chapman, and a Maranatha Music praise CD as well. 

In 1995 I invited my neighbors over for Thanksgiving Dinner. Something just kept drawing me to " Harvest Dude," as I had nick-named him. Thanksgiving came, and I found out "Harvest Dude's" name was Joe, but he would not be able to make it. He was single, and was going to his parents for dinner, but he did come over and thank me for inviting him. 

Instead, Ruben, Joe's next door neighbor, came over. Ruben's wife had left him, and he had no place to go for dinner. 

Also, Terry, the lady across the street from me who was divorced, came over. Ruben was a born again Christian, and went to Harvest. Terry was not attending any church at the time, so Ruben invited Terry and I to Harvest. We had a great dinner, and agreed that the following Sunday, Terry, Joe, (Joe found out later) Ruben and I would all attend church.  

Church was a shock! They had a live band on stage, (not in your wildest dreams in the Mormon Church) and everyone was dressed like they were going to the beach! Pastor Greg was a bald-headed 40 year old -- not at all like I had heard -- "a longhaired hippie freak." The "Praise Music" was loud and not "The Old Rugged Cross" style music. They played contemporary songs of that time, like:  Lord, I Lift Your Name On High -  Awesome God and I love Your Grace.

Also - the people seemed to be singing to God, not just singing out loud. Pastor Greg read from the Bible; not just one verse, but a whole chapter!  He then explained it in modern terms, and even made me laugh! The meeting had started at 6 p.m. and it was now 8 p.m. Me spend two hours at Church?! Pastor Greg did an altar call and about 50 or 60 people went forward. I remember thinking I don't need to go because I was a Mormon, and knew all about Jesus. 

The next week was "hell." The water heater blew up at 2 a.m. Things at my job started looking real bad, and the Lexus was giving me some trouble. I had just broke up with a guy, and as I drove the car into the garage, I thought about letting the door close behind me and turning the radio on and just let the exhaust build up in the garage and I would drift off to sleep forever. But something stopped me. 

I went to church the following Sunday and it was about the same, but this time I almost got up at the altar call. But I thought to myself: This is stupid; I already know the Lord...or so I thought. 

The following week went along fine. Christmas was going to be on Monday, and it was now Saturday.  

I was stepping out of the shower, and all of a sudden I started to cry, and I don't mean a little! I was sobbing ... and a feeling of doom came over me.  

I went to my bedroom and knelt by the side of the bed. I started to pray like I never had before. I told God that I was sorry; that I knew the homosexual life I was living was wrong -- it was a sin against God. 

After awhile I had no tears left; just heavy sobs, and my side hurt. I never felt so bad in my whole life.

Then - inside my mind came these words:"My son, I love you. I forgive you."  Wow! I can't tell you the joy and love that I felt!  

When I got up from that prayer, all my desire to sin had left. I no longer had a lust for men, praise God.   

The next day was Christmas, 1995, and at 9 p.m. at a Christmas Eve service at Harvest Christian Fellowship, I gave my life publicly to Jesus Christ. 

I later told Ruben and Joe about the letters I had sent.  Joe said "Praise the Lord, I have a new brother in Christ." Ruben also praised God. 

I had a full year of  being completely free from all of the homosexual thoughts and desires, but then one day when I was seated in church, singing a worship song, someone in a tank top and shorts walked down the isle to find a seat, and thoughts so perverse entered my mind with such force that I had to turn my head to see if the people seated on either side of me heard my thoughts! 

I thought surely I had lost my salvation. I had told everyone that I'd been delivered from homosexuality. Now a year later, I was starting to have those old thoughts and desires return! Who could I go to? I thought all my new Christian friends would run away from me now! 

The Lord is so faithful and patient with us! He placed godly men in my path, and well ... they had never struggled with homosexuality. They were able to reassure me that I was still 'saved' and that I needed to take up my cross daily and follow Jesus!  

This continued from 1997 through 1999.  In Jan of 2000, one of the counselors at my church asked if I would be interested in being used by the Lord to start up an ex-gay ministry. I agreed, so we started the Rainbow Cross Ministry. We started a phone prayer team, and an email prayer team and then a bible study six months later. The Lord was faithful to bring alongside me a godly brother who helped me and encouraged me, and who has also come out of the homosexual life. 

God bless you as you follow Him. If you need any help or have any questions please let me know at: robertcurran@msn.com

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Remember:  All that we do in this life comes back to our God-given purpose which is to serve and glorify God. The money and assets we accumulate, the fame and power we've attained or seek to attain - all of the things of this nature will one day pass away, but those lives of others we impact for Jesus Christ will last for eternity, and we will be rewarded for the part we helped play by impacting those lives ... for eternity.
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