Are you trapped by thoughts of suicide or confused about the real purpose of life? Greg's life story shows the powerful effect that music has and encourages you seek answers wherever you are in your life.

Just a dusty old book ... only a swear word 

In my early and teenage years, I had very little knowledge of the bible. One place I was taught about God was in school Religious Education but I had a habit of not listening and disrupting my friend who was trying to listen. This friend who came from a Christian home claimed that one day I would end up in the gutter with needles (drugs) in my arm. 

My teachers considered me a 'smart aleck' and I was involved in a degree of mischief. I remember the Principal saying to me; "If you think you are trying to be the biggest fool in the school, you have no chance because (omitted name) is the biggest fool!" The omitted name was of another friend of mine whose name has been deleted to protect the guilty! The only time I used the words 'Jesus' or 'Christ' was when I kicked my toe on a rock or something went wrong. For me, Jesus was not a person ' only a fairy tale ' a swear word. I wanted to live my own life and 'do my own thing'. To me, the bible was simply a dusty old book that lay unread on some people's shelves. 

Long hair, rock music and rebellion 

I grew up in the sixties and seventies and this was a period of guys with long hair, the Beatles, rebellion, so-called 'free love', hippies and flower power, drug experimentation and 'doing your own thing if it felt good'. I had long hair, wore satin shirts and beads, loved 'pop' music and listened to it for hours and hours. I thought I was an individual who was different from the rest of the crowd. 

What is going on here? (If you are wondering ... "yes" I am embarrassed by this photograph!) 

The times were a'changin' 

Bob Dylan was right when he said,"The times they are a'changin'". Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones was singing about 'spending the night together' with a girl. The singer, David Bowie was openly speaking about his homosexuality and George Harrison of the Beatles was experimenting with Eastern religion. Many in my generation set about changing the values and morals of the time. 

Many of us had the attitude of "Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die." I was looking for answers in my music but many of my rock 'idols' seemed to have enough problems of their own. Jimmy Hendrix and Janis Joplin had died of drug overdoses. Many singers were lost in a drug-induced world of rebellion or seemed to be aimlessly wondering from one relationship to another. Many were paying a high price for so-called 'free' love. 

A father's advice

My father would say to me, "You are not an individual because you are doing the same thing as your friends. You are just copying them and the fashions of the day." Looking back on it, the reason this talk irritated me was because it was true but I didn't want to acknowledge it! 

Sheltered life in the country

Growing up on a farm in a country area, meant in many ways I had been sheltered from the effects of the 'big, bad world'. My family was (and still is) very loving, supportive, happy and stable. My childhood was a great time of swimming in flooded creeks, playing cricket in the rain, being free to roam the countryside, making 'cubbies' out of grass, playing tennis on 'ant bed' courts and holidays at the beach. 



My father strongly discouraged us from drinking alcohol. On one occasion, I was very upset because he wouldn't let me go to a country-dance because there would be alcohol there. I did not know much about alcohol and its effects. At my first party, I drank a soft drink with an added clear liquid (alcohol) and felt strange afterwards but I did not really connect the alcohol with the strange sensation! 


Teachers College 

After High School, I attended Teachers College. It was a great time ... a time with friends, travel and excitement. It was a time of unprecedented freedom and I used this freedom to drink alcohol regularly. The house we rented was the accepted place for a party. I drank regularly for a year and a half and then I stopped drinking altogether. Alcohol helped me mix in a crowd but after the effect of the alcohol wore off, I would feel depressed. 

My mate and I, searching for answers

Inside I was searching for the answers to questions like "What was my purpose in life?" and "Is there any such thing as absolute truth?" During our College years, my mate Dave and I would sit up late, staring at the starry night sky, wondering about life ' searching for answers ' talking about God, evolution and about what was right and wrong. Dave and I were both studying to become Mathematics and Science teachers. 

Looking to science for all our answers 

Dave came from a Catholic background but had rejected what the bible said. He would proudly tell me that the bible was 'unscientific' because the first book in the bible (Genesis) stated that God had made light before the sun. He said that this was not possible as the sun needed to exist first. This sounded all very reasonable to me even though I had never read the bible and had very little to say on spiritual matters. Dave was convinced that the theory of evolution explained how life arose. 

Quick to mock Christians as weak and unscientific

I believed the bible was just a 'dusty old book' on people's shelves that very few people read. I believed that God was just an idea, a crutch, something that weak people needed. So for me the bible did not hold the answers to life. 

I thought I didn't need God as I felt I was strong enough to solve my own problems. I thought I was 'intelligent' and 'intelligent' people like myself didn't need God. I reasoned, "Christianity couldn't be true as there seemed to be so many hypocrites out there. And what about all the other religions?" A belief in God to me appeared to be 'unscientific'. 'Good' people or 'very bad' people needed a concept of God but not me! 

If a person (who called themselves a Christian) bought up the topic of God I would mockingly respond "If you can prove scientifically that God exists I will believe in Him." Although I had never read the bible, I was quick to mock people who believed it to be true. A lack of knowledge never stopped me from opening my mouth! 

Unaware of death brushing past me 

One cold, frosty night as I approached a narrow bridge riding my 500 c.c. motor bike, a truck came towards me. I pulled off the road and allowed the truck to come through. For some reason I was in a 'dream' as I returned to the road without looking behind me for traffic! At that time there was a loud noise as a car moving in the same direction as I was, sped past me. 

I retired for the night and it was only in the morning when I examined the long scratch marks on the crash bars and panniers that realized that the car had missed me by the thickness of one coat of paint! Sometimes, a very narrow line separates life from death and we are not always aware of it. In the next few days I reflected on this incident. Was it just luck that I was alive or was there someone up there in heaven, looking after me? This was the closest I had ever come to thanking God for something. 

Lost my way in a world that had lost its way 

"Is there a controlling energy or not? 

I'm trying really hard to untangle this knot 

I want to know, I want to know!" 

I penned these words in 1979, when I was wondering if God existed. I was restless, trying to make sense of the world in which I lived. I wondered about what was would happen when I died and if there was any real meaning/purpose to my life. I couldn't see things in black and white, there only seemed to be shades of grey, always many opinions on any issue. 

There didn't seem to be a God, as the world appeared to be out of control. The six o'clock news was filled with war, violence, rape, corruption, suicide, bitterness, pain, deception, sadness, suffering, and disease. The world seemed to be dying and I felt I had lost my way in a world that had lost its way. 

Who has done the most good for mankind? 

In 1980, I traveled overseas and at the Dachau concentration camp museum in Germany I was confronted with the evils that can be hidden in the human heart. These included the gas chambers and ruthless 'scientific' experiments carried out on human beings. I was physically shaken by this museum visit - it shattered my illusions that man was basically good. They were human like me, but something inside drove them to carry out these horrific acts. The thousands of wars during history did not improve my opinion of human nature. I started to examine world history and I was looking for the person who had done the most good for mankind. 

A movie experience 

On my return to Australia I took in a movie. In the beginning I was horrified by the violence but by the end of the movie I was hoping the 'good' guy would take his revenge and kill the 'bad' guy. Afterwards I pondered this experience and how my attitude towards violence had changed over the course of the movie. 

Thoughts of self destruction 

I began to have destructive thoughts, as out of the blue the thought of; "cut your wrists!" would be planted in my mind. This seemed absolutely ridiculous to me, as I wasn't depressed about anything at the time. I had everything I thought I needed ... great family (by this time I was happily married and had one child), a house, a secure job with money. If I recall correctly, these thoughts occurred on about five occasions and on one of these, I actually visualized myself carrying it out. 

Things science could not explain 

I didn't want to have anything to do with self-destruction, but the fact that these thoughts came to me without my invitation, was a very scary experience. I discovered from these thoughts that there existed real but invisible forces outside myself. Nothing in science could explain evil forces that had a personality of their own. Science does deal with invisible quantities like energy and their characteristics can be discovered but there seemed to be an intelligence behind these destructive thoughts ' they had an agenda of their own! I tried to block out these thoughts of suicide and they did stop. 

Music - my true addiction 

Music had played a very big part in my life and I listened to music and played the guitar for hours on end. I couldn't go anywhere without music and if music wasn't being played then I would be singing some tune to myself. A rough calculation showed me that I had listened to around 13 000 hours of music in my lifetime up to this point. This is a very conservative estimate based on 18 years at 2 hours of music per day. After listening to so much music I would be a brave person to say that music had not affected me at all. 

The contents of my music 

After watching a video on the effects of music, I started to review the music I had listened to for years. I never took much notice of the words to the songs and I received a shock when I realized the nature of the lyrics, rebellion, promotion of drugs, depravity, the occult, sex and suicide and mockery of Jesus and God. It surprised me to find out that many of the musicians had a strong belief in the spiritual world. I thought, "Why did so many people believe in a spiritual world if it didn't exist?" 

What was the answer? 

Some years after Teacher's College I was visiting Dave. As we talked he seemed (to me) to be going on and on about corruption in the world so I asked him a question that I thought he would not be able to answer: "Well, what is the answer to all this corruption?" I knew we had discussed possible solutions for hours and hours at College and we never came to any real conclusion. So, confident that Dave had no answer, I turned to walk away. 

But Dave did have an answer! The answer was one word and a person ' "Jesus". "Oh, no", I thought, "anything but that!" This reply virtually stopped me dead in my tracks. I was astonished that after a lifetime of putting down Christianity Dave was now a believer. We talked for about five hours (yes, five hours!) and in the end I almost went to sleep. Although I was trying to block out all this talk about God and Christianity, I could sense Dave's life had changed and much of his restlessness was gone. I wanted to argue but I knew virtually nothing about the bible. 

It amazed me that Dave wanted to follow somebody else and not his own desires. He wanted to follow this person called 'Jesus' and actually seemed to trust Him and this was a novel idea to me. Dave encouraged me to read the bible for myself and simply consider what it said. Dave was 'smarter' than me and would consistently beat me at chess. "Right", I thought, "Give me a bible and I'll prove him wrong!" 

Evolution is only a theory 

I thought, "What about evolution?" The first verse in the bible is "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth" (Genesis 1:1). I reasoned, "If this statement was wrong, then how could I trust the rest of the bible?" Dave gave me some information that showed the problems with the theory of evolution. He also sent information that showed me evidence that God is the Creator of all things. 

The miracle of life 

By this time I had witnessed the birth of both of my children and I was stunned by the complexity of the human body and the process from single cell to baby over 40 weeks. Could time and chance have been responsible for all of this as the theory of evolution required? Not likely! In the past I thought the bible was a fairy tale but now I was starting to think that the theory of evolution might be the fairy tale! 

What he said was amazing! 

So I started to read the bible hoping to beat Dave in an argument and show him that all this 'God talk' was rubbish. But as I read the bible I was astonished by Jesus, amazed by his actions and by his words. 

Jesus said, "Do not store up treasures for yourself on earth" (Matthew 6:19). Most people I knew were chasing money and had no interest in God. 

Jesus said, "He who is not with me is against me" (Matthew 12:30). 

Jesus also said: "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the path that leads to destruction and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it" (Matthew 7:13-14). 

Jesus said, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" (John 14:6). 

Jesus kept saying, "I tell you the truth"  "I tell you the truth." This phase kept ringing in my head. Jesus certainly didn't have my Australian attitude of "She'll be right mate!" 

Unexplainable blasphemy 

Jesus said that I should pray to God so I started to pray. As I said the Lord's Prayer, the words in the second line ('Let your Holy Name be honored') were replaced by foul and blasphemous words. I wanted the words but some unseen force was stopping me. This occurred on two successive nights and I wasn't too keen on this force that was controlling my thought patterns with suicide and blasphemy. I had experienced an evil spiritual force but what about the good spiritual force the bible spoke about? I began to call more and more on Jesus for help. 

A man I could trust 

In the bible I read where a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years touched the edge of Jesus' cloak and was healed. Jesus said to the woman: "Daughter, your faith has healed you" (Luke 8:43-48). It was very surprising to my mind that faith in Jesus had healed the woman of a medical condition. I thought doctors, not faith were the solution to medical problems. In the past, there appeared to be hundreds of different questions that needed answers. But now the number of questions was narrowing down to one: "Was Jesus telling the truth?" 

As I looked at the character of Jesus I could see he was a man that could be trusted. If God knew everything about me, I knew I was in trouble! When I looked at myself compared to Jesus I was embarrassed and saw how far short I was in areas like honesty, integrity and strength of character. I was guilty! I had lost faith in my own ability to control events and in my own goodness. If Jesus was telling the truth, I should respond to him in the way he asks. 

Placing a scientific challenge before God 

One dark night, I was lying in bed and I was thinking; "God, if you are so powerful you made the universe by speaking then show me evidence of your existence." I didn't expect anything to happen because my logic and reason told me that there was no way God could show me anything as I lay in bed. By the way, I was not on drugs! Nor was I emotionally upset nor had I worked myself up into a state of panic. I was not suicidal nor was I even thinking about it. I was calmly lying in bed, placing a challenge before God that I thought He had no chance of responding to. 

A visitor in the night 

But there at the doorway appeared a man in white clothes; with his right hand outstretched in the way a policeman would stop a car. Out of his hand, came a beam of light that moved half way across the room. I cried out in my mind; "Stop, stop, I believe, I've seen enough!" This did not stop what I was seeing as the beam of light continued across the room and through the sliding door into the black of the night where the light destroyed what I conceived as the evil in the world. I wanted to know that light could destroy darkness and God had showed me that by His power it was possible. My mind was reeling from the events that had just taken place! 

Greg, you are not as smart as you think you are! 

I knew this was a real event because firstly, I really didn't think anything would happen and secondly, I had tried to stop it happening but the experience continued. During this experience God showed me very clearly that I wasn't as smart as I thought I was, that He existed outside my mind (I had always been a bit of an amateur psychologist!) and that He was very powerful. My life would never be the same again. 

Swearing, suicidal and lustful thoughts ... 

In the past, I had been an 'expert' at changing comments from people into a remark that had sexual connotations. Bad language was something that usually flowed freely from my mouth, as I possessed an extensive repertoire of swear words. (Swearing was always handy when you were chasing cattle and they went in the wrong direction!) Without even thinking about it, I stopped my bad language. "But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips" (Colossians 3:8). 

The Holy Spirit was now showing me my sin ' showing me what was right and wrong. Lustful thoughts stopped after I let God's power overcome them and I stopped fighting them myself. My suicidal thoughts have never returned. (Some time back, the suicidal thoughts had stopped but I now knew the evil power behind these thoughts had also been broken.) It is true to say "Christians are not perfect; only forgiven" and as time goes on God shows me areas of my life that I am continually working on. 

The power of music 

Through this time, God made it clear to me that the destructive themes in some of my music had contributed to my suicidal thoughts. I looked back over one of my cherished albums, which had a song on it about a guy who was in a mental asylum who was contemplating suicide. The lyrics and the music of the song welded together in a powerful way in my mind somehow making suicide appealing. 

I respectfully urge you ... 

God is spirit (John 4:24) and coming to know Him is a supernatural, spiritual experience. As Jesus says, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again" (John 3:3). If you don't know who God is I urge you to come to know Him by entering through the narrow gate, which we pass when we believe in Jesus. The bible says of Jesus, "Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved." (Acts 4:12). 

Jesus Christ of Nazareth is the key 

The statements Jesus made were so clear-cut. I either had to wipe Jesus off as a lunatic or accept what he was saying was true. I came to see Jesus could be trusted and believing in Him has had a powerful positive effect on my life. Jesus of Nazareth was the man in history that I had been looking for! The historical Jesus was innocent of any crime but was still crucified by the Romans. The bible says He died for my sins. Jesus died in my place so I don't need to face judgment when I die. 

"He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls" (1 Peter 2:24:25). Jesus died but after three days, Jesus rose from the dead proving that all the things He said about Himself were true. Jesus can answer our questions and respond to our prayers because He is alive today. 

Four things I was wrong about 

As a teenager, I believed that: 

I used to think there were no certainties is this life but I was wrong. But death is a certainty. Without exception, over time our bodies age and wear out. 

I used to think that Jesus was not a real person, just a fairy tale. I was wrong. Jesus was a real historical person. Our time scale is based on BC (Before Christ) and AD (Anno Domini) that means 'in the year of our Lord'. The birth of Jesus is a very solid historical fact. The Roman historian Cornelius Tacitus wrote in 112 A.D.; "The persons commonly called Christians ... Christus, the founder of the name, was put to death by Pontius Pilate, procurator of Judea for the reign of Tiberius..." a 

I used to think that the bible was a dusty old book very few people read. I was wrong about that. The Guinness Book of Records acknowledges the Bible as the world's best selling book. b The New Testament is the also the most reliable ancient historical manuscript. 

I used to think that Christians were unscientific and uncreative. But I was wrong about that. Many of the greatest scientists like Lord Kelvin, Johannes Kepler, James Prescott Joule, Carl Linnaeus, Sir Joseph Lister, Louis Pasteur, Robert Boyle, Sir Isaac Newton and Michael Faraday were Christians.c Great musicians like George Frederic Handel, Johann Sebastian Bach, Franz Haydn, Ludwig Van Beethoven, Felix Mendelssohn and Franz Liszt) were Christians. d 

A fool says ... 

Before I came to know Jesus, I was aptly described by the bible in this way. "The fool said in his heart, 'There is no God'" (Psalm 14:1). 

If only I had listened to my Religious Education teacher! It is ironic that I am now a teacher and I have taught Religious Education lessons! I have learnt over the 20 years of being a Christian that God also has a great sense of humor! 

God has put eternity in our hearts 

Everyone's journey to find God is different but you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart. The most important question you can ask is "Who was Jesus?" How you answer this question will determine how you live in this life and where you will spend eternity. 

The facts are: 

I pray you reach out and find Jesus. It will only be then that you realise all you ever wanted or desired can be found in Him. 

Feel free to email me directly with any questions or comments at 

Please address your email to Greg. 

Dear Reader - are you at peace with God? If not, you can be. Do you know what awaits you when you die? You can have the assurance from God that heaven will be your home, if you would like to be certain. You can even have that assurance RIGHT NOW! Either Jesus Christ died for your sins, or He didn't (He did!). Are you prepared to stand before God on the Judgment Day and tell Him that you didn't need the shed blood of Jesus Christ on the Cross to have your sins forgiven and get in right-standing with God? We plead with you...please don't make such a tragic mistake. 

To get to know God, to be at peace with God, to have your sins forgiven, to make certain heaven will be your home for eternity, to make certain that you are in right-standing with God right now ... please click here to help you understand the importance of being reconciled to God. What you do about being reconciled to God will determine where you will spend eternity, precious one. Your decision to be reconciled to God is the most important decision you'll ever make in this life, because in Christ, it is impossible to put a value on the worth of your soul in light of eternity.


JESUS DID IT! and...


Remember:  All that we do in this life comes back to our God-given purpose which is to serve and glorify God. The money and assets we accumulate, the fame and power we've attained or seek to attain - all of the things of this nature will one day pass away, but those lives of others we impact for Jesus Christ will last for eternity, and we will be rewarded for the part we helped play by impacting those lives ... for eternity. (Matthew 6:19-21 is our assurance)