(By: Victoria Rodriguez)

Growing up, I was never taught about who God or Jesus was. I never went to church for that matter. My brother, sister and I grew up in a rough environment. We saw things that would scare any child. We lived with more downs than there were ups. After all we had been through, you would think that Jesus never existed. All I taught myself was that if you were good you go to heaven. If you are bad then you go to hell, and you pray when you are scared or when you are worried. I grew up to think that the Bible was a great big fairytale. How could we actually know what took place those thousands of years ago? We all know the saying 'He said - she said.' I thought we were all here because of science. 

Years later I would find out that my way of thinking would make me an evolutionist, not to mention that I was doubtful that God was very capable of preserving the accuracy and authenticity of the Word of God (The Holy Bible) for mankind to be able to trust -- right to this very day. Unfortunately, this way of thinking was leaving my kids out in the dark just as I had been growing up. It was not until four months ago (last half of 2012) that all this would change. 

In February of 2012, a client came in the office to make his car insurance payment. During the transaction he received a call on his cell and excused himself outside to take the call. When he came back he had a big grin on his face and said, 'Can you believe that this guy just asked me to do a job, which would cost him almost $30K, for free!' I said, 'What?!  What did you tell him?' He said, 'I said 'Yes!'' 

I remember thinking - Oh wow, what was he thinking. He had gone on to tell me that by him doing this, it would be for his family. That this would be his family's ticket in. Ticket in what I thought? Supposedly, this millionaire was gathering some contractors to put their part into constructing an underground bunker in preparation to the world's end, as some of the Mayan's had predicted. Once he left the office I looked at my bosses wife, bugged eyed, saying, 'Oh my God, they brainwashed him!' She told me she had heard about a lot of people doing the same thing. I was clueless. I decided to look into the two websites that he had left for me on my desk and started some research. By the time my shift was over, I too had been sucked into this belief that the world would be ending. I started warning my family and told them we should start preparing too. They all looked at me as if I were crazy; I guess maybe the same way I had looked at my client.

It was not until then that I started to question my faith. I was scared. I remember thinking: Well what if God and heaven are real? What if the devil and hell are real too? If I die I didn't want to go to hell for not believing in God the way I should have. I remember I'd be driving and this is where I started talking to God. Saying things like, 'Lord, I am sorry for doubting You and not believing in You all these years but if You are real, please help me. I want to know You and learn about You and teach my kids about You too. But You have to touch me; You have to touch me in a way that I will know You are real so that when I find You, I won't ever leave You.' 

I used to think a lot about my cousin Peanut who had been devoted to God for more than 10 years or so. I use to tell God, 'Touch me the way You touched her so that I can give my life to You the way she does, with no shame.' 

I started off by listening to KLove in the car. I even went out and bought a Bible. I was on a mission.

Four months go by. It was now June and I still felt the same. I had not really been 'touched' so to speak. I started to give up hope, thinking... Who am I to think that He would actually touch me? I stopped listening to KLove and put the radio back on the local hip-hop and R&B station. Then towards the end of June, I came across a television show called: 'Beyond & Back'. It is a show where people die and get to experience the afterlife but are told that it is not their time and need to come back. All these stories fascinated me. I remember thinking: Wow; there is no way all these people can be lying about this. There is an after-life and God and Jesus are real. What wowed me the most was the fact that when all these souls were told, "No. It's not your time, you need to go back." -- all these people begged, 'No, I do not want to go back.'  They all wanted to stay. That's how beautiful and peaceful heaven is. I was hooked on the show. Then I thought to myself: Okay...God is talking to me. I'm starting to believe. I put the radio back on the KLove station.

A month went by and I still had not gone to church but was enjoying all the encouraging music on KLove and Air1. By this time I had seen about 7-10 shows where each show had three different stories. Then one night in mid-July, as my son Toby and I were riding, I felt the need to talk to him about this show. I felt that he needed to know. I said to him, "Son, mommy wants you to know something. If something bad is ever going to happen to us, like say we are in a car accident and we die, I want you to know what you might see. Your spirit is going to fly out of your body and you are going to be floating on top of the accident.  You will be able to see everything that is happening. You will be able to see your body and everybody who is trying to help you. But you can't be scared. Do not be scared because then you are going to see these bright beautiful lights and you have to go into the lights because these lights are going to take you to heaven."


I went on to tell him excitedly and anxiously, 'And when you're in heaven you are going to be so happy because you are going to be with Jesus! No one is going to be mean to you; no one is going to make you cry. You will never get sick, and you are going to be so happpppppy in heaven!" 

I remember making it sound like fun because he was my kid and I was his mother; he is going to believe me the way I say it. My six-year-old son Toby replied, "Well let's go! How come we can't go there?" I giggled and said, "No son, only God knows when we are going to go and we might not even go all together.  It just might be one by one." I went on to tell him that we can let Jesus live in our hearts and by doing that we can be just as happy here on earth. 

August 13, 2012, my husband and I both decided to call into work that day because the van I was driving was having some mechanical problems. We were to have fixed it the week prior but every time something seemed to distract us and now here we were calling in to work taking care of the issue. We decided to keep the kids from the sitters so that we would save $40 for that day. That morning ended being a rough one because my husband and I had an argument that left me very upset and crying. After breakfast, after 9 AM, we headed out on the 30 minute drive to take the part to get fixed. The mechanic said it would be two hours. So my husband asked, 'What do you want to do for the two hours?" I replied, "I just want to go home,' so home we went. 

I cried the whole 30 minutes back. Once we arrived I told the kids to go and play in their room because Mommy wasn't feeling good and was going to take a nap. 

As I laid on my side of the king size bed, I noticed my door slowly creeping open. I could see my daughter's Chinese eyes peeking in to check on me. I waived her in with my hand and said, "Come on baby, come lay down with mama." She came in and closed the door behind her and crossed her way over to my side and cuddled her way into my arms. I was laying on my right side and she was laying on her left side and I had her wrapped in my arms. She then asked me, "Mommy, why are you crying?" I replied, "Oh baby, you know Mommy is a big cry baby." She asked, "But why?" She wiped my tears away and said, "Well you don't have to cry because I love you. I don't ever want you to cry or to ever be sad because I love you." 

I remember thinking ' Oh my sweet baby. She always takes care of Mommy. I gave her a big kiss and told her I loved her too. I then asked her to go play with her brothers so that I could take a nap. She got up and closed the door behind her.

Thirty minutes or so go by and my husband walked in and reminded me that it had been almost two hours and we should head out to go and pick up the part. I told him I would be there in a minute. I finally rolled out of bed about five minutes later and as I opened my door to rush out of my room, my daughter Amber was standing there, waiting for me. She startled me and I said, "Amber, you scared me baby." Then with a grin from ear to ear and her two front teeth sticking out, she said, "Here Mommy, this is for you." 

I opened it up and it was a letter which had her name at the top and it read, 'I love you. You are the best mom." She drew two stick figures at the bottom which were her and I. I read it and then looked over to her and told her, "Thank you baby; this is so beautiful!" She snatched it from my hand and said, 'I'm going to hang it on the fridge so that you can read it every day!" 

I told her okay and then told the kids to put their shoes on because we were leaving. My daughter and I parted ways as she went to the kitchen to hang my letter on the fridge and I went to sit on the loveseat and put my shoes on. 

As I sat there tying my shoes, I overheard my son Toby say, "Sissy - I can't wait to die! I can't wait to die and go to heaven and be with Jesus, I am going to be soooo happppy!" 

I stopped from tying my shoes and tried looking towards the hallway to see if I could see his facial expression. He seemed so excited while making that statement. What came to mind was the conversation I had with him just a month prior to this day. I brushed it off and thought: Silly kid, why is he saying that? Uhh, I'll ask him when we come back.


Amber replied, "Nooooo, Toby, you're not gonna die. You're not gonna go see Jesus." In a bragging sort of way she said, "I'm gonna go see Jesus first!" 

Again I stopped and tried to look toward the hallway but could not see them. Again I'm thinking:  Crazy kids - why are they talking about that? Once again I brushed it off and we left the house.

We picked up the part and started our drive back home. My husband apologized for the argument and then said, "We still have the rest of the day.  Why don't we do something with the kids? How about we go to the river and barbecue out there?" 

I started to say no when I was interrupted by the kids screaming for joy, "Yeah Mom, the river. Let's go to the river!" How could I say no to my babies? So I agreed and said, "Okay - we are off to the river if Papi (dad) fixes the van.' Mind you my husband is no mechanic so I was unsure if the car was even going to start once he put the part back on. 

We got home and the kids ran through the front door to get changed into their swimsuits and my husband tended to the car. Minutes later he called me outside and said, "Start it up". It turned on. 

While he got dressed the kids and I had loaded up the van with our bags, chairs, ice chest and everything else we needed for the river.

We made one last trip to the meat market to get the meat I would be barbecuing. I remember my Amber telling me, 'Oh Momma - I can't wait to eat the cornitas." She was referring to carnitas, the beef fajitas that I BBQ. 

We got snacks and drinks and headed out on the almost 45 minute drive to Bulverde, a town right outside of San Antonio, Texas. This was only my second drive out there and I was still very unfamiliar with the county roads. 

The last two questions my daughter asked were,' Mommy - do you want me to put this on right now, or when we get to the 'riva?", as she held onto a bottle of Banana Boat sunscreen. 

I answered, "No maam. You sit your butt back down and put your seat belt on. You can put that on at the river." So she did. 

Lastly she asked, 'Mommy, are we almost there yet?" I replied, saying, "No baby, not yet." 

No more than five minutes later I glanced at her through the rear view mirror as she sat in the third row of the van on the driver's side and she seemed to be sound asleep. She had crossed her arms on the window of the car and laid her head down and was asleep. I also remember Toby, who sat in the middle row on the passenger side, was sound asleep snoring away. I was thinking:  Wow, they are asleep. Well, they will wake up once we get there. The only one awake was my three year old, Rafa (short for Rafael), who sat buckled in his heavy duty car seat right behind my chair. My husband sat in the passenger side.   

It was right then that I came to the end of Blanco Rd, right at the intersection of Bulverde Rd also known as Highway 46. I made a complete stop; looked to the left and saw no cars; looked to the right and saw about two or three cars which were far down the road. 

I slowly pulled out from the stop sign and heard my husband with fear in his voice saying, 'No-no-no!' I thought very quickly:  Why is he saying 'No!'?  

I looked to my left again and all I saw were headlights. I couldn't make out the type of vehicle nor the passengers in the vehicle. I then looked forward -- shut my eyes as tight as I could, -- gripped the steering wheel as tight as I could and punched the gas pedal ' praying that this car would miss us and we would just fly over the road.

It didn't end up happening that way.

Next thing I remembered - I am woke up from the accident.  I was still in the car. My husband was asking if I was okay, which I acknowledged that I was, and then he quickly jumped out of the vehicle. He started running around yelling for our kids - calling each and every one of them by name. I felt a sharp pain in my neck and it was hard for me to move. I slowly shifted my body to the right and I could see my Toby sitting there in his chair full of blood and coming to ... still looking dazed. 

Then I noticed up above him in the third row was my son Rafa dangling from his car seat. The impact busted his car seat from the seat belt and threw him across the van and wedged him somehow to the back corner of the van.

I remember being confused ' wondering ' thinking - how in the world is he stuck up there? Then I noticed the back gate door of the van wide open. I quickly began thanking God for not letting him fly out of the van. (I found out later through family and an article that our van was t-boned, which spun us and then flipped us over where we landed in our resting spot across the highway). 

My husband was able to get my boys out and I could see them lying in the grass a few feet away from the accident. 

At that time I started calling, then yelling my daughter's name repeatedly because I had known, I had felt it. I knew she was gone. 

I remember a woman came into the car and tried to tend to me and I told her, 'No, please, go check on my daughter!' She crawled her way to the back of the van to hold my daughter. Her son sat in the passenger side of the car holding my hand and I asked him to pray with me. I asked God to please not take her -- that even if she was sick I would take care of her for the rest of my life and pleaded with Him, saying that I could not live without her. 


As I continued to scream and mourn, the bystanders who were there directing the woman in the back seat on how to hold my baby told me, "Maam! Please stop screaming. She has a pulse - she has a pulse - please stop screaming." 

I remember thinking to myself: You are lying to me; how dare you! I know she is gone!  Let me scream for her if I want to. They finally freed her and then me. 

My three-year-old was air lifted to the hospital, and Toby and I were rushed in by two separate ambulances, all to the same hospital. 

As we were all there in the same ER room, I could hear my six-year-old screaming, crying, and I asked, "Please! Someone tell me what's wrong with my son. Why is he screaming?" 

A doctor rushed over to me and said, "Maam - he has internal bleeding. We are going to rush him to emergency surgery." 

So then I asked about Rafa because I no longer heard him crying or screaming and she told me that they just finished incubating him because he had bleeding on the brain, and that if he made it, he would probably have brain damage. 

I remember begging God, "Please Lord, don't take all of them. I know you have Amber now but please not all of them." 

Toby suffered fractured ribs, fractured jaw and a torn spleen. Rafa too suffered fractured ribs, a torn spleen and bleeding on the brain.

As I lay there, I felt the medication kicking in because I felt like I was in and out of it. Family members were rushing in and out checking on me, all of them saddened of course with what had happened. Soon it was all over the news. The hospital became filled with over 150 family and friends of ours. 

Then Louie came in to see me. Louie is my ex-husband and the father of Amber and Toby. I told him, "Louie, Amber is not here anymore. Amber didn't make it, and she is gone." 

He said, "No Victoria, don't think like that. She will be fine." 

I said again, 'No she's not. She's gone! If she's here, then where is she? Is she here?!" 

Then I saw the look on his face, like, You're right. Where is she? She's not here.

I told him, "You have to find her please -- find our baby!" 

He left to ask for her. Even though I had felt it and I knew it, I thought: Well, God is good. Maybe he will grant my prayer and give me my baby back.


I wasn't sure how long, but it seemed to have been a very long time that he was gone. I lay there with my eyes shut, crying out my daughter's name - apologizing for what had happened to us and then my having told her:  Mommy loves you so much. 

Then I heard Louie's voice, very soft and shaky, call my name: "Victoria."  I opened my eyes and saw both my husband and Louie on both sides of me. My husband grabbed my right arm and Louie grabbed my left arm. Softly, Louie said, "Amber didn't make it." 

I lost it. Now I had confirmation of what I had feared hearing. My baby had not made it. She was gone and on her way to go be with Jesus. 

The next two days were a blur. I was released from the hospital Tuesday night or Wednesday, I can't remember. I remember getting home that night from the hospital and asked someone to bring me the letter that my daughter had written me and hung on the fridge. I slept in her bed with her covers and her letter and cried myself to sleep.

During the next week my boys fully recovered and were released from the hospital. Rafa was released on Friday and Toby was released on Saturday. 

That Friday when Rafa was released a lot of my family went home with him. I decided to stay behind with Toby and his father and all his family. Later that evening my sister Stephanie went by to see him after she got out of work. She gave me a ride home. As I arrived I saw a lot of family sitting out on the front porch and kids running out on the front lawn. I walked up and my sister said, "Guess what happened? When we got home we all went inside to put up our bags and things from the hospital and then we all walked outside and as Rafa came down the steps and passed the front porch he stopped -- looked up in the sky and waived his hand up as he turned around and said, 'Bye sissy!' as if she had flown by. 

I said, 'Wow,' and smiled. My family had put a small memorial out in the yard to the right side which had a pink poster with her name and dates on it and where we all signed it. There were balloons, stuffed animals, candles and her picture. 

As I sat on the porch with everyone, I noticed no one was over there and got up to walk that way to talk with Amber. When I got there I noticed my aunt Molly laying there, crying. My aunt Molly lived with us at one point and took care of my kids for quite awhile. She was very close to them. We started to share memories of Amber and I began crying too. She said to me, "Mija, don't cry.  Remember, Amber is in heaven with grandma." 

I said, "You're right Tia, she is with grandma." I then looked up in the sky and said, "Grandma, I know you never met my baby, but please take care of her the way you took care of me, please." 

Then I looked down at Amber's picture and with a stern voice told Amber, "And you! You better go look for my grandma and hold her hand until I get there because my grandma is going to take care of you baby. So go find my grandma!"

Later that night, it was almost midnight and I was cuddled on my couch with some cousins who had stayed the night with me. All of a sudden, I felt it. I got this scared feeling, reality was hitting, and the thoughts of my daughter and our last moments together went through my head. I started screaming and yelling for her. I then started to pray and ask God to help me and to give me strength. I called out to Amber and told her, "Please, remember you told Mommy to never to be sad or to never cry because you love me. Please help me be strong. Mommy doesn't want to go crazy.' 

Seconds later I get a call from cousin Rudy and he asked me to call my aunt Gloria because she wanted to talk to me. I called my aunt and she started asking about the boys and how we were all doing. She said she was sorry for what happened to Amber and then said, "Mija, your mom told me you were raising money to bury Amber. I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you and I wanted to give you the empty plot that is right next to grandma. So that way she doesn't have to be by herself." 

I went from going crazy to being the happiest person in seconds!  I thanked my aunt kindly and we hung up. That following morning we were to meet at the burial park to pick her plot in baby land. Then it hit me. I thought, Oh my God!! She listened to me -- Amber listened to me. She found my grandma and is holding her hand until I get there. It had never crossed my mind - not even for a second - to ask my aunt if she would consider selling me that plot. I had heard some time way before from other family that they had tried asking for it - to be next to my grandma and she had told them no. So for my aunt to call me and offer it to me, I knew that was an act of God. My Amber and grandma found each other in heaven and touched my aunt's heart into giving me that plot. I was beginning to be blessed by the Lord.

It was August 24th and we were having Amber's rosary that night. Her all-day viewing would begin at 1 p.m. I remember walking out the door by noon so that I could get out there early. Every time I left the house I would walk over to her memorial area and tell her, "Okay baby, let's go.  Mommy has to go,' (To do whatever is I'm on my way to do) and when I got home I walked there and said, "Okay Mamas, we're home. Let's go inside now." 

So on this very day I walked over and told her, "Amber, Mommy is on the way to go and say bye to your body, baby. I know you're okay and living in heaven but we need to say goodbye to your body so please give me strength to hang in there." I thought surely when I saw her for the first time in the casket that I was going to break down. 

As I was walking away and headed to the car I noticed these things in my yard and began thinking: What is that? Are those weeds? Thinking, gee ... I guess we're 'gonna have to take her memorial off the lawn so that we can mow it.  Then I left.

I arrived at the funeral home and walked in alone to see her first. I broke down. My heart hurt to see her laying there. My family rushed in to pick me up off the floor and held me up while I spoke my words to her. 

As time went on, the place started to fill. We had both chapels full of people, hallways lined up with people all the way outside. It was hard. At the end, as people walked up to her casket and then over to me to give their condolences, I could see the sadness in their faces. I could feel the hurt that maybe they had for me - the mother who had just lost a child. I, however, was really okay. I had not lost it entirely like I had imagined.


During that time I came across two people who, as they hugged me, told me not to be mad at God. Another one said, 'Do not hate God for what's happened.' I thought to myself: Are you kidding me? Why on earth would I be mad or hate God?  He has my daughter. If anything, I need to find God and get to know him. I had already made that decision months ago. It was not until now, that God was revealing Himself to me in a much more personal way. 

I had told my husband, 'You know what? I love my baby so much and I need to honor her and her seven years of life, and the best way to do so is by giving my life and my boy's life to God, because the closer we are to God the closer we are to Amber. And please believe me - I am going to make sure that my boys and I make it to heaven to see my baby again. You can follow me on my walk with Christ or you can choose to keep living the life you have now, but that's not the type of husband that I want either.' He chose to walk with me. Slowly but surely, he is coming along. 

It was past 9 PM and Amber's services were now over so we headed home. Some family followed me home; I can't remember who exactly. I do remember thinking as we pulled up: Are we at the wrong house? The reason I thought this was because as we pulled into the driveway and the headlights shown their light on the yard, I noticed that there were flowers all over the lawn. My house was the only house that had these flowers. Mind you, these flowers were not there when I left! I remember seeing something in the grass thinking maybe it was weeds, but never thought they would grow out a foot tall and fully bloom to be these beautiful flowers in just hours! It was mindblowing. We were all in awe of God. I had come to the conclusion that He and my baby had sent me flowers to tell me, 'It's okay; she is with Me.'

That following morning, I took two bunches of flowers with me to her funeral and we put them in the ground with her when she was put under. These flowers had never come out before and we let them stay in the yard for about a week until it was time to mow the lawn. That was August 24. 

Then one morning again as I awoke and peaked outside to check out the weather, my front yard was once again full of flowers. It was September 17. It was Rafa's fourth birthday. It is now December 18, 2012, as I write this, but those flowers have not come out again. 

I believe it had been a few weeks that went by and I had mentioned to my husband that I knew she had died before anyone officially knew. Whether it was a mother's instinct or the bond that I have with my daughter, or perhaps an angel or even the Holy Spirit revealed it to me - only God knows - but I felt it and I knew she had passed. He responded by saying, 'Toby knew too.' 

I asked, 'What do you mean ' Toby knew?  How could he have possibly known that? He's only six years old.' 

He went on to explain to me that at the time of the accident -- as he carried him out of the vehicle - Toby cried out, 'Papi, I don't want to die, I don't want to die!' He responded by saying, 'No, Toby you are not going to die. Papi is here. The ambulance is coming, don't you hear them coming?' 

Toby told me, 'But my Sissy is dead; my Sissy died already!' I remember thinking:  How did he know - how did he know that? 

So one night as he and I were driving alone, I started to talk with him. I asked him, ''Remember when we had the accident, and you told Papi that you knew Sissy had died? How did you know that, baby?' 

He glanced out of his window, as he sat behind the passenger seat, and I could see him thinking - remembering. Then finally he looked my way with a smile and answered, ''Because Mom, I saw her wings start to grow. They were baby wings and then grew into big wings.  Not big wings but like her age wings.'


I was shocked. Then he said, 'You know that's why Sissy died, right Mom?' 

I replied, 'No Toby, why?' He said, 'Because Mom, Sissy wanted to save us.  She woke us up from the accident because we were all dead.' 

I took it in and remained quiet. I didn't know how to respond. Then I reminded him that she's in a better place now. She's in heaven and like we talked the last time, everyone is happy in heaven.

On October 13, I invited my older sister over to come eat dinner as I had barbequed Amber's favorite: Beef fajitas. After we ate we sat on the sofa and she asked me in a concerned way, 'How are the boys? Are they talking? Do they miss Amber?' 

I assured her that the boys were fine and we talked about her all the time. I shared with her what Toby had recently told me about seeing Amber's wings. I called him over and he began to tell her too. Just when I thought he was done he sadly looked down and then said, 'But I was scared Mommy.' I asked, 'But why baby - why were you scared?' 

'Because I saw the angels too.' I told him, 'But Toby, those are God's angels. Why were you scared of the angels?' 

'Because I saw them taking Sissy, mom, and I didn't 'wanna go. I wanted to stay here with you.' 

My sister and I looked at each other in awe and she asked if I knew that, and I answered, 'No, that was new to me. He is slowly starting to let things of the accident come out.' 

Once again, days later, he and I were driving alone again. The thought of angels still lingered in my mind so I asked, 'Toby, remember you said you saw the angels too. What were they doing? How many were there?' 

He turned away and started pointing in the air right in front of him as if counting, then looked toward me and said, 'Six mommy.  There were six angels.' 

I start envisioning six angels in the car at the time of the accident. There were five of us. Maybe we all had an angel and another sat on the top of car. So I asked, 'Six angels? Man that's a lot of angels. What were they doing?' 

He shyly looked away and then placed his left hand on his left hip and said, 'There were two right here.'  He placed his right hand on his right hip and said there were two right there.  He grabbed his ankles and said, 'There was one right here,' and then put his hand behind his neck and said, 'There was one right here.' 

He then held out his left hand with his palm facing up and said,' They all had their hands like this under Sissy.' Then he held out his right hand and laid it over his left hand also with the palm facing up, and said, 'And they were going up, up, up, and up. And that's how I saw her wings Mom. They were coming out of her back and it didn't even hurt her. And Sissy looked like see-through -- like Casper.' 

I was speechless again. My son was only six years old. There was no way he could have imagined or made up something like that. He wouldn't know the significance of such a thing. My boy was blessed to have had such a vivid vision provided only by God.


I believe it had already been three months when I finally asked my mother what the cause of death of my daughter Amber was. She hesitated, but told me. She explained that as they all awaited, 150+ people in the waiting area, they kept asking where Amber was, as the doctors were not saying anything. Then came on "Breaking news" from one of the local news stations with the headline: "Bulverde crash kills 7-year-old little girl". This is how they received news of Amber's passing. An hour or so later the Bulverde Sheriff finally arrived to give the news. My mother had pulled him to the side and asked what exactly her cause of death was. He told her that she died instantly. Her neck snapped on impact. When my mother told me this, my heart sunk. My sweet baby suffered. I gasped. My mom tried to assure me that she felt no pain and that she died instantly. But the thought lingered and put a heavy burden on me. I decided to go to Google and look it up. I should have not done that. Everyone has an opinion and some were not so good. 

A week and a half went by and I couldn't stop crying.  I couldn't sleep.  My heart hurt and I just wanted out of my misery. I wanted to be in heaven with my baby girl. 

Then came Thursday.  I finally fell asleep, but then woke up.  I heard Toby coughing and coughing. It was getting worse. He has had asthma since he was a baby and is now six. He has been hospitalized twice already because of asthma. I already knew the signs and I decided to take him to the ER. My husband suggested I take him to the new ER off 281 & Brook Hollow, since it is never packed and I said, 'No - I am going to take him to the ER at the children's Methodist because they already know him and have his records.' 

We loaded up and headed out. As I was on Loop 410, I changed my mind at the last minute and headed towards the ER off 281. When we arrived, sure enough, there was no wait. They called us straight to the back and evaluated him and then decided he needed to be admitted. They explained that they would need to transport him by ambulance to another hospital because they did not have pediatrics there. In the meantime they would prep him with an IV. 

Once they got over him to stick him with the needle, he went nuts. He started screaming, crying, and kicking because he was traumatized from his last experience at the hospital. Once everything was done I explained about him -- all we had been through and they all gave their condolences. 

A male nurse stayed behind to give Toby his breathing treatments and we started talking about God and religion and I gave him some insight on what I had been through. He was a certified trauma ER nurse and I'm thinking: Okay - we have had some pretty serious conversation. Maybe if I ask his opinion about my daughter and what she died of, as much as it is going to hurt, he would tell me the truth. So I finished up our conversation before the ambulance arrived so that I could ask him because I don't want just a yes or no answer, but wanted a full explanation -- better understanding. I was getting ready to ask him, and right then the ambulance arrived. I was hurt, sad and confused, and started talking to God. "Lord, I was about to ask him. I need to know. Please let me find the answers I desperately need." 

Then I started thinking:  Well, maybe he didn't want me to know the truth. The truth is what might be the end to my sanity and make me lose it entirely. So I took a deep breath and said, 'Okay Lord, I trust in You. You know what's best.'  

At that moment, I saw the two men from the ambulance pass the room in the hallway and walk towards the nurses' station. Then one of them came in and said, "Hello Mrs. Rodriguez.  My name is Anthony and we will be transporting your son to the hospital so that he can have the oxygen on his way there.' 

So I warned him and said, "I'm not sure if they (nurses)  told you or not but we have been through a lot and right now he is sound asleep, but when he wakes up and see's you putting him into an ambulance he might freak out ... so please be prepared."  He nodded his head, suggesting yes, and then said, "Can I tell you something?" I replied, "Sure". 

He said, "I was one of the paramedics at the scene of your accident." I shouted, exclaiming, "What?! What accident?!" 

He confirmed again, "Your accident." I started crying and began to tell him, "I have been praying and praying to God to help me because I have become aware of the injury that my daughter sustained in our car accident and it has been driving me crazy, to the point where I just wanted to end it all, and I was upset because I didn't get to ask the nurse who just walked out of the room because you arrived. Now I thank the Lord for all His greatness. What better person to answer my question other than a paramedic who was there with my baby. Please let me know the truth, even it hurts.  I have to face it and get over it." 

He calmly talked to me about the medical details and assured me that my baby did indeed go instantly ' and she suffered no pain, and to not let that be a burden anymore.

I was in awe of God. This only adds to the list of blessings He has given me. He has shown me His glory in many ways since the passing of Amber and I can't wait to share with everyone just how real and powerful He is! 

I love you God, for all the peace you have brought to my broken heart. You are the only answer, this I know!


Seeking God has become my mission in life now. Yes - I still have two boys to love, adore and take care of, but we as a family will now be that in Christ. 

This has a whole new meaning to life in general. After what I have experienced - seeing God's glory that is - has changed me significantly. I have become a better mother, wife, daughter, friend and person. My encounter with my Angel Amber Brooke has initiated my new found faith. I have found a new passion for life and found a new way to love through Christ. I never knew what it was to humble oneself until now. The first 28 years of my life had been lived with fear, neglect, doubt, sadness, emptiness, confusion, betrayal, pain both physically and mentally, heartaches due to the loss of a child, and the list can go and on. 

I think that as a parent the worst fear you can have would be that of the death of a child. I remember hearing stories of children being hurt, not so much as tragic to what happened in Connecticut (Sandy Hook School shooting), but the thought alone was heartbreaking. I use to think I would go crazy if anything ever happened to one of my kids. 

Now that I can say that, I have given a child back to God -- lived through the pain, but then leaned on Him to get through it and hold on to my sanity ' it has changed my outlook greatly on life. I will no longer fear life and all its brutal attacks. Nor will I fear the enemy and all his wickedness that lurks the corners of every neighborhood. Most importantly I no longer fear death. God has shown me that there is a beautiful place we call home, and we will live eternally with Him and all our passed loved ones by our side, for those who are eager to be with Him because of what He accomplished for them on the cross by dying for their sins.  I will make sure to honor the sacrifice of his Son, Jesus, and the seven years, four months, and nine days of life that he gave to my daughter Amber, by surrendering my life to Him.


I have no shame to say that I love my Heavenly Father with my whole heart, soul, and being. I just want to announce it to the world. God is good ' even through the hurt and pain. I have a choice in saying and believing that.  I've made my choice. 

I thank our Heavenly Father for letting me be a mother to His precious Angel Amber and for teaching me the significance of love. I will show the world who He is through me. I will show the world that a mother's love for her child can be so powerful -- to change my life from doubting Him to praising Him -- it is just a glimpse of how powerful the love is that He has for us, His children. 

Before I got pregnant with Amber I was headed for destruction - hanging out with the wrong crowd and started to experiment with drugs.  But when she came along I chose to stop because I did not want her to grow up like I did. So I say that Amber coming into this world saved my life, and her leaving this world, saved my life because I have found God and will never leave Him. 

Thank you Amber for being part of God's plan for my life ... and others.  Mommy loves you and I can't wait to see you again in heaven!

My email:

Dear Reader - are you at peace with God? If not, you can be. Do you know what awaits you when you die? You can have the assurance from God that heaven will be your home, if you would like to be certain. You can even have that assurance RIGHT NOW! Either Jesus Christ died for your sins, or He didn't (He did!). Are you prepared to stand before God on the Judgment Day and tell Him that you didn't need the shed blood of Jesus Christ on the Cross to have your sins forgiven and get in right-standing with God? We plead with you...please don't make such a tragic mistake. 

To get to know God, to be at peace with God, to have your sins forgiven, to make certain heaven will be your home for eternity, to make certain that you are in right-standing with God right now ... please click here to help you understand the importance of being reconciled to God. What you do about being reconciled to God will determine where you will spend eternity, precious one. Your decision to be reconciled to God is the most important decision you'll ever make in this life, because in Christ, it is impossible to put a value on the worth of your soul in light of eternity.


JESUS DID IT! and...


Remember:  All that we do in this life comes back to our God-given purpose which is to serve and glorify God. The money and assets we accumulate, the fame and power we've attained or seek to attain - all of the things of this nature will one day pass away, but those lives of others we impact for Jesus Christ will last for eternity, and we will be rewarded for the part we helped play by impacting those lives ... for eternity.
(Matthew 6:19-21 is our assurance)