Please let me die!
(By: Dan Revoir)
PROLOGUE
Pain!! Pain!! Pain!! Convulsing, agonizing pain! Worse than anything I had ever experienced or could even imagine! My body engulfed by gut-wrenching, excruciating pain! Like a medieval torture chamber where bodies were torn apart on the rack it starts to crescendo like a terrible timpani increasing in tempo, until it seems like you are going out of your mind!! The unbelievable, terrifying horror reaches the limits of impossibility...and the pain keeps getting worse! "IT IS NOT POSSIBLE FOR ANYTHING TO HURT THIS BAD! I'VE REACHED MY THRESHOLD OF PAIN TOLERANCE. THIS MADNESS MUST STOP OR I WILL PASS OUT!"
Maybe it's a prayer or a cry of desperation from the depths of my soul but the darkness and peace do not come. Instead, the world starts spinning, waves of nausea overwhelm my body, dizziness sets in, and in seconds I am soaked with perspiration, reeling like a whirling dervish. The vomiting starts as I lie curled up in the fetal position on the floor! Gagging begins. Retching and vomiting continues in a never ending cycle, gasping for air as torrents of vomit spew from my convulsing body! Could it be? Is it possible that I could suffocate or possibly drown in my own vomit? Keep breathing! You have to have air! What a horrible, disgusting way to die, suffocating with your lungs filled with vomit. I just want to get it over with and stop fighting the retching; maybe after this terrible bout is finished there will be a brief reprieve, a time to lie on the floor and rest for a few minutes before it starts again!
It does not stop; but now it's a bitter, foul-tasting green fluid erupting like some creature in a horror movie. Again and again, over and over the unseen assailant stabs his knife into my guts. Stabbing and slashing like a crazed maniac trying to disembowel his victim, not satisfied with just killing but taking greatest pleasure in watching him writhe in agony waiting for him to die!
God, where are you? I need you now! The pangs of death are upon me!! God, where is your grace and mercy?! God, please, I beg of you, let this be the worst nightmare I have ever had! Please, God, please let me wake up and find myself in my bed, soaked with sweat, with my blankets twisted about me! God, please! Please, let me wake up! Please, let this be a terrible nightmare!
A horrified expression was on her face as she looked in disbelief at the carnage that laid on the floor; it mirrored the living hell that I had entered into a few moments ago. A strange thought entered my head: on this very day, January 28, 1986 the world was shocked and stunned as the space shuttle Challenger exploded a few short seconds after lift off, killing the courageous crew of seven. And unknown to me something inside the universe of my body had also exploded and the consequences were almost as dire!
"Get me to the hospital," the words poured out between the spasms of vomiting. My precious wife, Martha, tried to help me get dressed to go out in the blizzard we were having in South Boardman. This was very difficult since she was on crutches and had a full cast on her left leg. Controlled panic are the only words to describe her actions. What a pathetic sight it must have been to see this little five foot, four inch, 120 pound woman trying to help a hulking six foot, three inch, 217 pound man through the door. We were bundled up against the cold, carrying a wastepaper basket for me to use for vomiting.
The stinging cold snaps me back to reality which brings a coldness to the pit of my being. This is not a dream; this is really happening! I am not having a nightmare, this is reality! IT IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING TO ME!
The doctor at Kalkaska Medical Center admitted me and immediately gave me a shot for the nausea and pain. No results. The vomiting was still intense but now the emesis pan contained only bile. Another pain shot. No relief...nothing touched the pain. The doctor's diagnosis was a gall bladder attack but by morning they realized something was dreadfully wrong. I was transported to Munson Medical Center in Traverse City. The pain never stopped or even reached a point of being tolerable. A series of x-rays were taken and a nasal-gastral (N.G.) tube was inserted through my nose into my stomach in order to stop the vomiting. My heart rate began to climb because of the incessant pain so the doctor admitted me to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU). My heart was pounding at the rate of over 250 beats a minute! They expected my heart to stop and cautioned Martha that my condition was very critical. Then things took a turn for the worse!
This was not the first time we had been in ICU. It seemed that doctors and hospitals and ICU wards had played a major part of our married life.
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D&M Publishing, Grand Rapids, Michigan
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Dear Reader - are you at peace with God? If not, you can be. Do you know what awaits you when you die? You can have the assurance from God that heaven will be your home, if you would like to be certain. You can even have that assurance RIGHT NOW! Either Jesus Christ died for your sins, or He didn't (He did!). Are you prepared to stand before God on the Judgment Day and tell Him that you didn't need the shed blood of Jesus Christ on the Cross to have your sins forgiven and get in right-standing with God? We plead with you...please don't make such a tragic mistake.
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