I Didn't Think I Deserved To Live Anymore, 

But Jesus Changed That!

(By: Tanya Brown)

I wasn't raised in the church growing up, so I wasn't ever really religious. I had gone to church just a few times and had heard of Jesus, but I guess you could say I thought of Him more as a fictional character. I knew there was a God, or I used to say "a higher power" a lot. I had spent most of my life thinking that way. 

I was always interested in spirits, psychics, and New Age kind of stuff; all things I now know for a fact, the Word of the true God says to stay away from.

After one of my siblings died, I got even more involved with trying to communicate with "the other side." I did these things for a few years; I have experienced many strange things ... many!

I was always interested in spirits, psychics, and New Age kind of stuff; all things I now know for a fact, the Word of the true God says to stay away from.

After one of my siblings died, I got even more involved with trying to communicate with "the other side." I did these things for a few years; I have experienced many strange things ... many! 

One night something horrifying happened. My boyfriend at the time and I went to a graveyard one night so I could take some photos, and try to get some EVP (Electronic Voice Phenomenon). A green orb started floating towards us. I thought it was so cool. I took picture after picture! My boyfriend was so scared, he was about to leave me there. So I got back in the car and we went home. 

Later that night - it was probably around 2:00 AM - we were still up watching a movie. I got up to take the garbage out, and about 15 feet away at the end of my driveway was this really tall, shaggy looking black figure. I was racking my brain trying to think of what it could be, and no sooner than I had that thought -- this thing turned around and had long-slanted yellowish green eyes. It was just staring at me. 

I know I screamed, but I could not hear my own scream. I ran inside once my brain finally could comprehend that this wasn't something natural, and it didn't look friendly. When I got inside, I told my boyfriend to look outside. He saw it too. He was so scared he wouldn't talk about it. We separated shortly after that incident after a four year relationship. 

It's after this point that my life went in a complete downward spiral. I literally felt like my life was being drained from me. I also became a completely selfish person, and couldn't seem to change myself. I loved my family, but it was like - I just couldn't control myself at all. I had to be on something to be high. I hated the way my mind and body felt sober. I was so depressed and miserable, so I stayed away from family and stayed with a new boyfriend so I could stay high. 

He was really abusive, and we stayed in between places; here ' there - his car - just so we could stay high all the time. This went on for a little over a year and a half. I was so lost and unhappy. I couldn't even cry anymore. I just wanted to end it. I didn't think I deserved to live anymore. I was so tired. I felt like I couldn't do anything about my situation and no one wanted to be around me because I couldn't be trusted. 

My boyfriend's mom got me to go to her work with her one day and her co-worker/friend invited me to church. I didn't really want to go and I was kind of scared too. Well, she ended up showing up at my boyfriend's mom's house to pick me up to go to church with her.

I was cornered, so I went because I didn't want to come off as rude. I definitely think now that I had some demonic things attached to me because when I got to that church, my vision was making the church building and all the people there look like something evil. I was even hearing things. I know this sounds strange, but this really happened. Something did not want me in that church, and wanted to scare me out of there. I was really confused. 

The pastor was reading all kinds of stuff from the Bible that I had absolutely no idea what they meant because I had never read the Bible. They asked me if I believed that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and rose again on the third day, and I said 'Yes.' I had nothing else to believe in, so I figured ' why not? After seeing evil supernatural things in my life, I figured there has to be something out there that's good supernatural. I sure was hoping so anyway.

When I left the church, the pastor said my life would start to change. I didn't know if I really believed that, but I hoped it would.

Well, here goes ... GOD started making me have these feelings; it's so hard to explain. Anywhere I went: The store, walking down the road, it didn't matter ' He talked to me everywhere through people, music, or words off a random piece of paper. It was so thrillingly strange. For example, I'd be thinking something in my head, and pass a flyer on the road and it'd be the exact answer to what I was thinking in my head. 'Ya' - some people might say that's a coincidence, but things like this happened repeatedly for a few days in a row.

In one sense, I thought I was losing my mind, but then I remember what the pastor told me. That's when I really grasped that JESUS is very REAL!!!! He is real and He's a personal GOD to all who accept and receive him. 

I also kept coming across words like warrior, fighter, high priest, and didn't know why, but now I know all of those words describe our LORD. He was trying to let me know it was Him making me feel these things and that I wasn't crazy. He told me, 'I love thee". He really said this to me! I didn't even know Him, but He knew me, and He loved me enough to die for me. He loved me enough to chase me down in this corrupt world of satanic spiritual deception to wake me up! And He will do the same thing for anyone who accepts Him and believes what He did on the cross for us.

God makes this promise to everyone:

Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live." (John 11:25 NKJV)

"Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me has everlasting life." (John 6:47 NKJV)

He really did all that, and He really does love all of us. He will move the earth for me and you. He is a hero. We owe Him everything. Repent please; I love you all, and so does Jesus. He loves us so much! I never thought I could feel this way, but if Jesus can help someone like me, He can do all things. He is our salvation; He will help us; He can change us. I really hope this reaches someone. He's real -- He's alive! Please believe me, and He can make you feel a true feeling of happiness without drugs and alcohol. It's so much better! God bless you all.

Dear Reader - are you at peace with God?  If not, you can be. Do you know what awaits you when you die? You can have the assurance from God that heaven will be your home, if you would like to be certain. You can even have that assurance RIGHT NOW!  Either Jesus Christ died for your sins, or He didn't (He did!). Are you prepared to stand before God on the Judgment Day and tell Him that you didn't need the shed blood of Jesus Christ on the Cross to have your sins forgiven and get in right-standing with God? We plead with you...please don't make such a tragic mistake. 

To get to know God, to be at peace with God, to have your sins forgiven, to make certain heaven will be your home for eternity, to make certain that you are in right-standing with God right now ... please click here to help you understand the importance of being reconciled to God. What you do about being reconciled to God will determine where you will spend eternity, precious one. Your decision to be reconciled to God is the most important decision you'll ever make in this life, because in Christ, it is impossible to put a value on the worth of your soul in light of eternity.


JESUS DID IT! and...


Remember:  All that we do in this life comes back to our God-given purpose which is to serve and glorify God. The money and assets we accumulate, the fame and power we've attained or seek to attain - all of the things of this nature will one day pass away, but those lives of others we impact for Jesus Christ will last for eternity, and we will be rewarded for the part we helped play by impacting those lives ... for eternity. (Matthew 6:19-21 is our assurance)