Searching For God In All The Wrong Places
I was a child raised in church with a Dad who was a Deacon. I was a needy, lonely child and felt I was very unloved. I became an adult, who after growing up in an abusive home, felt God had not protected me nor could He possibly love me for He gave me to these parents. Day after day I would daydream about some nice family coming to rescue me. I felt that I would die never knowing the love I needed to satisfy me. I was bitter and angry that everyone's life was so much better than my own. I tried to find it with sex with male friends - a true cry for love. I would steal and buy things that I hoped would satisfy this longing deep inside of me. I believed I would go to my grave searching for that something I could not find and needed.
I was baptized and gave my life to Christ, but He never did anything for me so I figured he didn't really exist. So I went back to my old way of thinking of my life being about loss. I went back to my astrology and living by the day-to-day comfort I received in the message and never seeing God's hand in my life.
Now to show you how God works, I bought this book, 'Amazing Laws of Cosmic Mind Power' at a garage sale thinking it was some cool astrology stuff and found it wasn't and threw it back on the bookcase. When I finally read this book at least four years later I found it had a different concept of God and how He works wonders; the cause being mental, so if you have faith in God and His love, the unpleasant experience repels one another according to the law of belief. I decided to start praying. I prayed God would give me a good man who would help me change my life around, someone who would love me for better or for worse. And God gave me my Jim, a loving, compassionate man who taught me about hugs and kisses and unconditional love and he gave me two beautiful children I cherish with all my heart. But then Jim died and I was alone again and devastated. How do you crawl out of the loneliness when you lose your soulmate, the one who was to be by your side until you're 85 or more? God's gift and He took it away?
One day I flipped the TV on; I started hearing Pastor Hagee preaching about Jesus, and it was as if this man had a real friend, and I wanted this friend and I wanted freedom from my pain. I wanted to know this person you could talk to and express all your longings to. I wanted him as my personal friend. So, that night on me knees I asked him into my heart and to be my personal Lord and Savior. And then I found something out I never knew about God - He was a jealous God. He wanted my love to be for Him and I realized I really had never given my life to Him, not from my heart. I had never made that last step, living for Jesus, giving my total self to Him and trusting Him to guide my life. My past had caused me not to trust, but Jesus has taught me new values and security in Him and also respect for myself. He has taught me to love others without using my body and new respect for myself. You see I kept looking for a stream pouring from an outside source not from the right source. When you obey God and yield your life to Him, emptying yourself of selfish desires, the Spirit of God is just like a bubbling spring filling your soul and you are satisfied.
God led me on a very slow journey to his side, but when I was ready to ask him into my heart I did and He said, 'you are my daughter and I am your Father and I will show you the way'. You see God never forces you but I feel so blessed that He gave His only begotten Son for me. He gave Jesus to me so I did not have to be separated from God because of my sins. Moreover, Jesus in obedience, sacrificed Himself for our sins so that I would have complete forgiveness for everything I did in my life and a new life with Him. It makes me cry when I think of what He did for me.
Thank you and God bless you for taking the time to read my story. May I say too that this is not just a "story" but a testimony of God's saving love and grace in my life. I pray that He has touched your heart in a positive and more direct way than you've ever experienced before. I would like to invite you into His house today - are you interested? He is waiting to give you a new life, to forgive you and give you eternal life; and peace that is beyond compare. If you would like to be reconciled back to God, please don't hesitate anymore but give your life to Him. When you do, He will make Himself so real to you as you begin to love, trust, and obey Him in all that you do. Please click on the link below to learn how you can be reconciled back to Him.
Dear Reader - are you at peace with God? If not, you can be. Do you know what awaits you when you die? You can have the assurance from God that heaven will be your home, if you would like to be certain. You can even have that assurance RIGHT NOW! Either Jesus Christ died for your sins, or He didn't (He did!). Are you prepared to stand before God on the Judgment Day and tell Him that you didn't need the shed blood of Jesus Christ on the Cross to have your sins forgiven and get in right-standing with God? We plead with you...please don't make such a tragic mistake.
To get to know God, to be at peace with God, to have your sins forgiven, to make certain heaven will be your home for eternity, to make certain that you are in right-standing with God right now ... please click here to help you understand the importance of being reconciled to God. What you do about being reconciled to God will determine where you will spend eternity, precious one. Your decision to be reconciled to God is the most important decision you'll ever make in this life, because in Christ, it is impossible to put a value on the worth of your soul in light of eternity.
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Remember: All that we do in this life comes back to our God-given purpose which is to serve and glorify God. The money and assets we accumulate, the fame and power we've attained or seek to attain - all of the things of this nature will one day pass away, but those lives of others we impact for Jesus Christ will last for eternity, and we will be rewarded for the part we helped play by impacting those lives ... for eternity. (Matthew 6:19-20 is our assurance)