FINALLY FREE!

Early Life and Loss

I am the youngest of seven children. My parents were faithful in taking our family to a Christian church regularly. However, my father passed away when I was only six years old, leaving my mother to care for all of us. She worked hard to fill the void he left, and she did well, but I missed my "Daddy" dearly.

Spiritually, I am thankful for the Christian exposure I received in my childhood. Even though I eventually strayed from God after making a profession of faith at age 13, I still had some knowledge of right and wrong, which I believe kept me from straying even further than I did.

The Search for Happiness

In my teens and early twenties, loneliness held a grip on me. Ignorant of how one is led away from Christ, I began to look for peace and happiness with the party crowd. I frequented bars, drinking and dancing, hoping to find the "man of my dreams"—someone who would take away my loneliness and give me a purpose. Along with meeting men came alcohol, drugs, and sex.

I soon discovered that "happiness" was elusive. The few times I felt happy did not make up for the majority of the time I spent miserable. I seemed to attract men who simply wanted to use me for selfish purposes, leading to a cycle of hurt, pain, and rejection.

Reaching the End

By age 26, I was miserable beyond description. I was tired of being rejected and tired of relationships that lacked any lasting duration. I reached a realization that my life was going nowhere. I constantly wondered why I was even born and why everyone else seemed happy except for me.

My thoughts began to drift toward an old girlfriend, Hattie, whom I had partied with in the past. She had become one of those "fanatic" Christians, and I had willfully lost contact with her for six years because I thought she was too religious. One Friday night, while at a bar, I decided to call her from a payphone.

The lyrics of that song captured my state of mind and heart perfectly:

"I am a servant; I am listening for my name / I sit here waiting, I've been looking at the game / That I've been playing... When you are lonely, you're the only one to blame... How can You use me when I have never given all / How can You choose me when You know I quickly fall..."

"So He feeds my soul and He makes me grow / And He lets me know He loves me / I am worthless now but I've made a vow/I will humbly bow before Him /
Oh please use me - I am lonely"

"I am a servant getting ready for my part / There's been a change, a rearrangement in my heart / At last I'm learning there's no returning once I start / To live's a privilege, 

to love is such an art / But I need your help to start / O please purify my heart / I am your servant."

Later on in the evening many of them were asked to testify of how they had entered into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and how it had changed their life for the better. Each of them gave glory to God for doing it all, because it was not anything they could have done to change themselves. It was God doing it through them by His Holy Spirit, they said. 

When I left that night I felt and saw so much love and peace, but I left with so many unanswered questions. This truly was another stepping stone the Lord was putting before me on my search to really know Him. After the meeting, Hattie, who had invited me there walked me and my friend who came with me out to my car. Her boyfriend then (Rob), husband now, also walked us out. He stood on my side of the car window and my girlfriend on the passenger side. As Rob was talking to me and Hattie was talking to my friend, I remember him saying to me that if I felt something different that night, I owed it to myself to really check it out. That is when I asked them both to show me where their church was because deep down I really wanted what they had, not knowing at the time that it was Jesus that I was searching for. They led me by car that night showing me where their church was and then I went on home.

Total Surrender

Two weeks later, I showed up at their church unexpectedly. I saw many faces I recognized from my old party days. Eventually, I gave my whole heart and life to Jesus Christ. I asked Him to be both my Savior and the LORD of my life—something I had neglected to do at age 13. Lordship, I was soon to learn, was not obtainable without having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

I take great comfort in knowing that God is faithful to complete that which He has begun in me through my personal relationship with Jesus Christ. (I encourage you to read Philippians, Chapter 1, to learn more about this).

Conclusion

If you feel a lack of peace or purpose or experience loneliness and sense a lack of motivation, Jesus Christ desires to fill those voids. It requires letting Him have total control of your life. I never knew I could be so free within myself, and it is all because I decided to follow Jesus—letting Him make me into the person He wants me to be. The Bible says Jesus Christ is the One who made you and me. (See John 1:1-14 for Scripture reference).

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” — John 8:36

Thank you and God bless you for letting me share my heart with you. If this has touched you in any way, please don't go on in life without searching for answers to your questions. My questions brought me to see and realize that only Jesus Christ is the answer to all of my needs. I never knew I could be so free within myself, and it's all because I decided to follow Jesus - letting Him make me into the person He wants me to be - in His image and for His glory.

Kathleen S Rasmussen

NOTE: If you would like to watch Kathleen's testimony on video, please click here:  VICTORY OVER CHRONIC LONELINESS! 

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Remember:  All that we do in this life comes back to our God-given purpose which is to serve and glorify God. The money and assets we accumulate, the fame and power we've attained or seek to attain - all of the things of this nature will one day pass away, but those lives of others we impact for Jesus Christ will last for eternity, and we will be rewarded for the part we helped play by impacting those lives ... for eternity. (Matthew 6:19-21 is our assurance)