THE LARGER MY SMILE THE HARDER I CRIED IN MY HEART

(By: Irrianne Jones)

I cannot describe how God and our Lord and Savior Jesus has changed the lives of so many people; but I can only tell you my story thus far up to age 16.

My 10th grade Advanced Composition and English 2 teacher taught us this method to essay writing AECAECR: A- Assertion E- Evidence C-Commentary A- Assertion E- Evidence C- Commentary and R- Reveiw.

Evidence is textual evidence. So my textual evidence will be The Holy Bible and statements from family. I know that understanding this is also the key to telling a story.

When I was young I knew I was a child of God. I somehow knew He had great plans for me. I would speak the Word of God during ages 4, 5, and 6 years to my grandma and anyone who would hear. "'She was young and so passionate about God. I couldn't believe how much faith she had in him,'" my great grandma stated. My love for God was strong, but I was afraid of the dark, the darkness (I believe evil festers in the dark). I would hear Satan telling me to do bad things and to hurt my sister. She told me, "'I hear voices," and I told her not to be afraid,'" my grandma said. It was so hard not to be afraid of something so evil, sinister; but when I praised God, Lucifer would flee and so would the voices.

1 Corinthians 13:11: When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

I grew up in a Christian home where my great grandma forced me to memorize the Our Father prayer. This foundation of Christianity remains with me, but I still was drawn into the darkness. (2 Timothy 4:4: And they shall turn away [their] ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables. 1 Thessalonians 2:18: Wherefore we would have come unto you, even I Paul, once and again; but Satan hindered us.)

I was severely bullied, because my hair was short, nappy, and/or shiny. This went on for about six years (from 1st grade until 7th grade). I would hate going to school or public places only to be tormented for my appearance." One night I planned my suicide and asked myself questions: (I thought I was reasoning with myself but I was really asking Satan): Is the pain on earth compared to that of hell? How would the people I loved react? Do they deserve it? Should I leave a note or should I let them feel the stinging pain of guilt?

I wanted the people that bullied me to feel so bad that they would commit suicide, and my family to feel pain for not noticing that the larger my smile the harder I cried in my heart.

I planned on slashing my throat at age 13. In my heart I felt I deserved all this torment. Satan calmly talked to me in his sweetest of voices, convincing me to get it over with. By the grace and mercy of God and Jesus' love, I remembered the Bible was underneath my pillow. (I would have really bad dreams that would scare me sometimes, and the bible would prevent them). So I opened the door to God's Word and felt the love of God.

Around this time my mother also started to look in the Word of God. She had no idea I also started to do the same. So we praised and bonded together. I read in the Bible about fasting: Esther 4:16: Go, gather together all the Jews that are present in Shushan, and fast ye for me, and neither eat nor drink three days, night or day: I also and my maidens will fast likewise; and so will I go in unto the king, which is not according to the law: and if I perish, I perish."

So I fasted for the first time in my life. In the past I glutted to force myself to gain weight so they could bully me even more, because I felt I deserved it or to draw the attention away from my hair. So you can imagine how difficult it was to go 24 hours without any food. My stomach was rumbling like roaring seas, but I prayed anyway. I felt indescribable love and warmth - protection. I did not complete my fast. I ate a hotdog 30 minutes before the finish line!

I regret nothing. I would have not changed how I went about my fast. I would not change breaking my fast with a hotdog either. Because GOD is GOOD and JESUS IS LORD! I live in God.

I lost my way during my eighth grade year. All of a sudden I became more popular among the student body and not the laughing stalk again. I realized the devil drew me back in with the acceptance of my peers.

Two years later, after the summer of 2014, age 16, I was feeling spiritually drained and turned to the Lord. He revealed the journals I wrote two years ago about my experiences. Now I am back on track and looking forward to the future. I know that God has great plans for me.

We have something deep in us that craves for God's love and acceptance. We were created to find it and KEEP it. It can only be found by the One who created us -- The holy Bible declares His name is Jesus Christ. Yet with Satan's deception and temptations, we find temporary "love" and "acceptance" like sex (Satan has all kinds of deceptive ways to try to keep us from filling the longing in us to connect solidly with the God of all creation and live Jesus-glorifying lives that are productive - not wasting away accomplishing nothing lasting that God will reward for eternity once we die, let alone that He will reward in this life). We want to feel powerful, so we kill and hurt others. We want to feel free from worldly problems ... therefore, we use drugs to feel good and escape our pain, or ultimately commit suicide. Be aware of your choices. Ask GOD daily for guidance, and trust Him to provide it. Jesus loves you; He proved it by dying for your sins. He didn't create you to let Satan entice you to self-destruct. He created you to let your life ultimately glorify Him, and for you to help others discover that it is only in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ will there be any real peace in this life as troubles try to attack us from every side.

You don't have to end up in hell to discover evil. Look around you. It's EVERYWHERE on this planet and growing. Yet there is One who will help you remain protected from evil when you are serious about trusting Him and walking in obedience to Him as the Bible is given to us to be able to by the power of His Holy Spirit; being prayerfully wise in our decisions. This One? His name is Jesus Christ. All power has been given Him by God the Father. Jesus earned the right to receive it. He died for us when He didn't have to. He took all punishment for our sin -- bore our guilt and shame on the cross when He didn't have to. He earned our victory and right to go to heaven when we die and be in the presence of God forevermore! He won the victory ultimately over Satan and everything evil. Death is the result of evil. Jesus triumphed OVER death, by His death, burial and resurrection OVER death! Our Faith in God's Word (wisely interpreted; wisely applied) helps demonstrate it and helps us triumph over it as well, and the Word of God is Truth whether we walk in it or chose not to. God's Word will stand the test of all time and eternity. That's a fact. Not one person can prove differently.

Psalms 145:17, The LORD is righteous in all his ways, and holy in all his works.

Psalms 38:21, Forsake me not, O LORD: O my God, be not far from me.

Psalms 27:10, When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.

EVERYTHING YOU NEED IS IN JESUS. JUST ASK FOR IT, WITH ALL YOUR HEART (And be patient. God's time is not always our time, but God's time [and His ways] are always the right time and way(s). Deuteronomy 4:29: But if from thence thou shalt seek the LORD thy God, thou shalt find him, if thou seek him with all thy heart and with all thy soul.

SO SMILE: WE ARE KINGS AND QUEENS!

Matthew 5:9, Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

Romans 8:16, The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God.

Dear Reader - are you at peace with God? If not, you can be. Do you know what awaits you when you die? You can have the assurance from God that heaven will be your home, if you would like to be certain. You can even have that assurance RIGHT NOW! Either Jesus Christ died for your sins, or He didn't (He did!). Are you prepared to stand before God on the Judgment Day and tell Him that you didn't need the shed blood of Jesus Christ on the Cross to have your sins forgiven and get in right-standing with God? We plead with you...please don't make such a tragic mistake.

To get to know God, to be at peace with God, to have your sins forgiven, to make certain heaven will be your home for eternity, to make certain that you are in right-standing with God right now ... please click here to help you understand the importance of being reconciled to God. What you do about being reconciled to God will determine where you will spend eternity, precious one. Your decision to be reconciled to God is the most important decision you'll ever make in this life, because in Christ, it is impossible to put a value on the worth of your soul in light of eternity.

PLEASE HELP US HELP YOU SHARE THE BEST NEWS GOD HAS FOR EVERY PERSON BECAUSE...

JESUS DID IT! and...

YOU ARE SO GREATLY NEEDED!

Remember: All that we do in this life comes back to our God-given purpose which is to serve and glorify God. The money and assets we accumulate, the fame and power we've attained or seek to attain - all of the things of this nature will one day pass away, but those lives of others we impact for Jesus Christ will last for eternity, and we will be rewarded for the part we helped play by impacting those lives ... for eternity. (Matthew 6:19-20 is our assurance)