Kathy Gallagher experienced this in the early years of her marriage with Steve. In Out of the Depths of Sexual Sin, she expresses the feelings of many betrayed wives when she says:
"Our intimate life, to me, was sacred. It was exclusive and off-limits to others. He was mine and I was his. What we had together in private was ours, and I was the only one who should know him in that way. Marital sex is the tie that
physically binds two individuals together, and creates a
spiritual union which is very sacred.When I found out that Steve was being unfaithful, I was crushed. He was spiritually tying himself to anything with a skirt: giving away what was MINE! Our union was broken, shattered. We no longer had that special time which belonged only to us. Our hideaway had been cheapened by giving it to many others; thrown away as though it had little or no value to him. What he wanted from our union, he could find on any street corner or in any massage parlor.
There was now nothing left that was ours, as a married couple. We were just two people living together, sharing space. It killed me. Day after day the pain of the reality that our marriage was gone swept over me like sea billows."
Reaching Out
Since the very beginning it has
been the heart of Pure Life Ministries to recognize and
minister to the unique needs of wives who husbands are
in habitual sexual sin. But even though such a discovery
is often accompanied with feelings of great despair, it
is never without hope.
Over the years we have watched the Lord restore
marriages few gave any chance for survival (which is
exactly how this ministry started!). But, we do serve a
God of restoration and One who is just as concerned with
the wife as He is with the husband. For that reason, we
are devoted to providing resources and counseling that
point to the only true hope: Jesus.
Whether it is Kathy Gallagher's book When His Secret Sin
Breaks Your Heart, going through our Overcomers At-Home
Program or just reading the testimonies and literature
on this website, we are committed to continually point
wives to Jesus and His Word as the only true Answer to
their situation. His power to heal and restore is our
testimony and it has also become the testimony of
hundreds of men, wives and couples over the years.
Kathy
Gallagher and Rose Colón
impart hope by sharing their own personal stories and
how God is restoring marriages through Pure Life
Ministries.
Resources
Counseling Helpline
When secret sin is exposed, it usually brings
with it a great deal of confusion. Emotions can
fluctuate wildly at a time like this. Well-meaning
family and friends offer advice that is often based more
upon personal feelings than upon a real sense of God’s
will. Just when the hurting wife is facing some of the
most crucial decisions of her life—she feels like she
doesn’t know where to turn! In a quiet, steady manner,
the PLM wives’ counselor will help her navigate through
conflicting emotions, outside advice, the husband’s
pressure, and so on. The one-time call of the Counseling
Helpline is there to help her get pointed in the right
direction.
Learn More
The At-Home Program
Most wives quickly discover that they need more than a
one-time call. It is a rare thing for discovery of
sexual sin to bring about the end of the matter. Even if
the husband experiences sincere repentance there are
still very difficult issues to
work through in the marriage. This is a time when the
wife must show great caution and wisdom over her
decisions. Yet, inexplicably—just when she needs the
comfort and wisdom that can only come from God—she finds
a growing sense of detachment from Him. This is usually
because the natural human reaction to such devastating
news is to obsess over the husband or to allow her mind
to run wild.
Our wives’ counselors understand these issues because
each of them has suffered through the ordeal of
betrayal. They know from experience what the wife goes
through. They endured it themselves and have helped many
other wives work their way through the process. Not only
will the counselor help the wife maintain an intimate
connection to the Lord when she needs it most, but she
will also provide sound, biblical advice in the midst of
all of the confusion. And, of course, she is “able to
comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort
with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” (II
Corinthians 1:4)
Learn More
When His Secret Sin Breaks Your
Heart
Kathy Gallagher is a woman who has been there; she
understands the pain of rejection, the feelings of
hopelessness and the questions that plague a hurting
wife. In this collection of letters, Kathy imparts
heartening encouragement by providing the practical,
spiritual answers that helped her find healing in the
midst of her most trying storm. If you are a
hurting wife, this book will be a tremendous blessing to
you!
Some of the other subjects covered include: Divorce,
Dealing With Suspicions, Confronting The Husband, The
Need To Leave, Dealing With Fear, Reconciliation, The
Unrepentant Husband, The Neglected Wife, Lost Respect,
My Sexual Needs, Feeling Betrayed, Abandoned By God and
more!
Learn More
At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry
Finally, here’s a book that will explain your husbands
struggles from a spiritual perspective. Why is sex such
a huge thing in his mind? Why doesn’t he just stop? What
is wrong with him?! What will he have to do in order to
achieve real victory? What will his life look like once
he has broken free from habitual sin? All of this and
much more is in this book. There’s a reason Beverly
LaHaye said, “At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry
is one of the best books out there on this topic. I
recommend that you get this book.”
Learn More
Out of the Depths of Sexual Sin
This is Steve and Kathy Gallagher’s story. In 1982,
Steve Gallagher was a Los Angeles County deputy sheriff.
Nobody knew about his secret life, though—nobody but his
wife Kathy. She was the one who bore the brunt of his
selfishness, anger and unfaithfulness. Finally, when
Kathy could not take anymore, she left Steve. Within
weeks, she was in the arms of another man and Steve had
his off-duty revolver pointed at his head. This is the
wonderful story about how God rescued their lives and
restored their marriage.
Learn More