By: Trisha Zalewski

Though you have not seen him, you LOVE him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy.  (1 Peter 1:8)

I have that joy in my heart and I get so excited to talk about God's Love with people because I sincerely do believe in Him and this is why …

As a young child, I lived in a very dysfunctional home. My parents got divorced when I was age three.  My dad left us and I didn’t see him until I was 10. I have seen my mother get sexually, physically and emotionally abused. I have seen my mom get arrested. I have seen my mom prostitute herself, and I have seen my mother shoot heroin in her veins … all before I turned the age of 10.

The first drug I tried was cocaine with my mom at the age of 10.  When I was 16, I got involved in a drug called crystal meth -- it took a complete hold of my life. My sister-in-law had a meth lab in her home, so I was able to get high all the time and any time.

I got married at the age of 17 and had 3 children by the age of 23.  Because of my drug addiction, my children were taken from me by the Division of Youth and Family Services.

I can remember kneeling on my floor on my hands and knees, looking through the cracks, hoping to find just one piece of meth to fulfill my deadly desire. There were times I would stand in front of my stove for hours on end, scraping it for crystal meth.  I weighed 80 pounds and didn’t eat or sleep for days - even weeks. I had sores all over my body from being paranoid and just sitting there strung out for hours picking at myself.

Everything that I was feeling was very much unbearable for me to understand, and I had no idea how to identify any of my feelings, let alone my problems. My life was dying right before my very own eyes. I was crying out for help and didn’t even realize it.

After my children were taken into foster care, the courts told me I had a year to comply with all court ordered services in order to get my children back. To be honest, I turned the opposite way and just went back to what I’ve ever known and that’s running from my problems.

My husband and I became homeless. We would sleep on a gas station floor in the middle of winter, and there were times when the only place to live was our car. I have stolen from my family. I became a stripper so I could pay for hotels, and have a place to get high.

During this time, I would get phone calls to see if I would make it to the visits with my children.  I wouldn’t and I couldn’t at that time face my children.  I alone couldn’t wipe my tears from my own eyes; how could I possibly wipe theirs? The pain that I was feeling left me hopeless, scared, and completely lost. Our lawyers and the division told me in exact words, “There is no hope for this case.  You will never get your children back. They will be adopted.”

I can remember this day like it was yesterday. In December 2006, my husband and I were driving around completely aimless … and all I could do was cry. I couldn’t find my meth for that day so my emotions were fully staring at me in my face. All I could see was my children’s eyes staring right at me.  Not only that, I remember seeing my eyes staring right at my own mother, begging her to please stop getting high.

I told my husband to stop the car.  I got out, and screamed at the top of my lungs … this simple but most power word: “HELP!”

I told my step-mother, saying, "Okay … I’m done. I can’t do this anymore.  I lost my life, and I can’t seem to get a hold of myself?  What do I do?”

One week later my step-mom and father were driving me to a in-patient program, called the Walter Hoving Home. It was a Christian based program.  Not once did we talk about drugs.  It was all about Jesus.

I remember one of our assignments was to find a scripture we could hold with us for that year.  Keep in mind, I didn’t even know what a scripture was, or what it meant. 

I was sitting on my bed … and the Lord spoke to me.  This is the very first time I felt and heard his voice speak to my spirit.  I will never forget this as long as I am here. So I am reading in John Chapter 5, and these words literally popped out of my bible and hit me right at the core of my heart!  “Do you want to get well?  Get up – pick up your mat and walk.  See – you are well again.  Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.”

Talk about direction!  Well - that day I surrendered my life to the Lord. I accepted Him in my heart.  When I did that, I can remember falling face down on the floor, screaming and weeping and not even knowing why.

To my amazement, The Lord was waiting for me -- waiting for those words to come from my mouth:  ‘I surrender.’

Again He spoke to me and said, “I will never leave you.”

I was so overwhelmed, because for once in my life I knew what it felt like to be truly and sincerely loved.

These two scriptures the Lord focused my heart on:

1)  Have mercy on me o God, Have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.  (Psalm 57:1)

2)  Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a NEW creation the old has gone the new has come.  (II Corinthians 5.17)

I am a new creation! I am born again! God has put a new song in my heart! He has completely opened my eyes and my ears to His never ending love!

The Lord has returned my children home. The Lord has taught me how to be a great mother and a good wife. He has shown me the way in which I shall go. I was so consumed with darkness, and now I am overflowing with the fragrance of God’s love and grace.

Jeremiah 29.11 says:  For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.

God has a future for me. I am attending college to become a social worker. My case with DYFS  (Department of Youth and Family Services), after 4 years, has been dismissed. My children are all on honor role, and my marriage is built on a foundation that cannot be shaken, as long as both of us stay firmly planted on that foundation. All the Glory goes to my Lord and Savior.

God has forgiven me. He never forgot me. He created me. He has prepared me. God has transformed me. This is my testimony of God’s grace and power, and His overflowing Love. My heart is His. And He is the only one who molded me into the woman of humility that I am today. Thank you Lord!

John 8.36: So if the Son sets you free you are free indeed.

LOOK WHAT THE LORD HAS DONE

This is just some of what God has already restored back to me in full.  There is so much more that God has called me to share with the world -- how amazing He is...

If you are touched, please consider helping me share this love and acceptance from God with the world.  There are so many around the world searching for true love and acceptance, and no one will ever fully find it until they have experienced the unconditional love and acceptance of Jesus Christ.

If you would like to email me:  trishazalewski@aol.com

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