Part 5

By: Ceci Sullivan

Since I’ve gotten to know Gene, I have come to know much more of Jesus and Jesus has used Gene to bring His spirit of deliverance into my life. I was at a point where I was ready to face the truth about my hypocrisies — truth I had covered up with too much TV. 

Gene is anything but pretentious, and pretenders don’t hang around him too long. There is nothing hidden or private about his life. Those who are hidden and private don’t hang around very long. I was like a drug addict going through withdrawals as I got to know him. He didn’t torment, abuse, or reject me. It was unfamiliar and unusual having a man respond to me spiritually, and I could see there was something in me that was uncomfortable not being used, abused, rejected and controlled. 

He suffered me as I worked through these things. He was honest and loved me freely, and I was like an old computer having to receive new information. He wasn’t emotionally and spiritually unavailable. He lived to give The Lord and himself to others, not to see what he could take in relationships. He helped me and others care about pleasing God in all we think, do, and say. 

The lifetime of fear I lived in was turning into a lifetime of Faith. He had as much passion for faith, love, and truth, as Michael had for crime and evil. Michael ate the bread of wickedness, drank the wine of violence, and didn’t sleep until he did evil. It was Gene’s food to do God’s will and he gave that food to all around him. He took on responsibility in relationships, where most men run from it. I watched him give himself to other men. He had answers and understanding, and was willing to have enough love and faith to get personally involved in people’s lives. I only knew impersonal Sunday and Wednesday preachers.

I found myself wanting to find things to accuse him of so I could run from the relationship. It took faith to get involved, and that was one thing I didn’t have much faith in Jesus for....(getting personal in relationships.)  How could I say I loved God whom I didn’t see, if I couldn’t love this man whom I did see? I wasn’t familiar with open and honest relationships. The more open I became, the more I could see who was “hiding.” 

I understood how flattery works great ruin in relationships. I had looked to Jesus in faith for things, but now I needed him to give me faith to be honest about the judgments I was making in my heart. I needed faith to not be pretentious and tell the truth. The Bible is full of “put away lying and speak the truth to one another in love” messages. 

I began taking those words seriously, believing we are members of each other. Cells that communicate falsely, or indifferently in our body, cause cancer. I decided to be a life giving cell, rather than a cancerous cell, in the body of Christ. I really began to take the “logs” from my own eyes, so I could see clearly to help remove the specks from the eyes of my friends.

A few months after I gotten to know Gene, we both knew the Lord had caused our paths to cross for a reason. We got down on our knees and asked the Lord to confirm our relationship, by the mouth of two or three witnesses. We wanted others to confirm that we belonged together, and we knew we could trust Him to open the eyes of others if we were to be together. 

Within the span of a week, that’s exactly what happened. We courted for a year, then we married. Gene’s rule over his flesh did a lot to show me the power and love of God. I knew Gene cared more for pleasing the Lord than gratifying his desires, and I know I can trust him. We have been married 12 years now, and his love continues to reveal God’s love and faithfulness to me. 

His ability to rule himself before our wedding has proven to me his trustworthiness when we are apart. He chose pleasing Jesus above serving his flesh, and the spirit he carries he imparts to others. The fruit of Jesus’ spirit is self-control. As athletes need training, me and many like me are thankful to Jesus for sending us a “personal trainer,” who can teach us the ways of “self-control.” Many throughout history have been destroyed through uncontrolled lust. How many never accessed the help that was right in front of their face because of pride?

One of Gene’s closest friends shared his testimony about how he loved to lust after women. I had never really heard men be open and honest like that. He said, "what I loved, is what Jesus hated; I asked Him to help me love what He loves and hate what He hates." I remember feeling short-circuited. Could it be that simple........Repent and believe Jesus can help you? 

He said he confessed his sins, and people prayed for him, and Jesus healed him. I thought to myself, “after all the books, counseling, money we’ve spent, wouldn’t it be hysterical if it was that simple?” I saw this man, along with Gene and other men have enough humility to be honest and open. I realized Michael’s biggest problem was pride! Jesus hates pride above all things! 

Michael always lied to protect his pride, that’s why he could never get helped! Not even from his own brother who had been treating sexual offenders all the years Michael had been sexually offending! If it’s true that “nothing is hidden that will not be revealed, and whatever you hide in the dark will be shouted from the house tops”, I absolutely declared I wouldn’t hide anything ever again. I saw what killing your pride by telling the truth had done for these men, and I wanted what they had! (Peace and confidence before Jesus and men). 

They believed because they loved the Praise of God more than the praise of men, and they had no fear of being condemned by men. The only way to know if Jesus words are true is to do them. That’s why they knew the words of Jesus were true. They did them! Way too simple for a complicated mind like mine!?

I had mentioned earlier that my baby daughter had gone to be with my sister. When I was confident that Michael’s sentence was not subject to appeal and after I was recovered from the ordeal we would make arrangements for the baby’s return. My sister knew I was unstable and wanted to help me not make any unwise decisions during a time of crisis. My baby girl was sixteen months old at the time she went to stay with my sister. Michael’s actual sentencing was almost one year later. 

I met Gene just after the sentencing and one year later, we were married. During this period I saw my little girl only about four times because of my sister's location being on the east coast. My mind set at this time was still very doubtful. It’s hard to explain, but even though Jesus was using Gene to bring me great hope and give me vision and direction, I was still thinking that this was not really going to last. Any day something will come up and I will once again be on my own.

At this point I would like to go back to something that happened the night after I met Gene at the concert. I had a dream and in the dream I was in my bathroom getting ready for the day when I noticed a rank odor with a stench that made me believe something dead was in there. I looked up and high up attached to the ceiling was a “body bag” with Michael inside. He had been dead a long time. 

The thought came to me that I needed to call the men in white suits to come and get him. Three men in white shirts came and got the body bag down and took him away. The eerie thing is the phone rang and it was Michael calling from the prison. I wondered if God was trying to show me Michael’s conscience was dead towards Him, and I was “dragging a dead body around.” 

When I went to breakfast later that morning and thought it was ironic that he and the two men with him all had on white ministry t-shirts. I did not remember this or put it together until a couple of weeks later, after the church incident where the Lord healed my ears and where I had spilled the coffee on myself. I had the three of them over for dinner. After dinner I went to my cabinet and drug out all the newspaper articles about Michael and his life of crime which I had faithfully been saving from day one! 

Gene spoke to me about how it was keeping me spiritually attached to Michael and the utter reproach of being his wife. He told me that if I were to ever be free, I would need to completely put off the old and allow “all things” to be made new! He helped me to see that thoughts are words and words are food. The food we eat (what we allow ourselves to think) is what we will become and how we will be in our spirit and in our character. I would say that this was the beginning of my walk away from a life of bondage and trying to fix myself into the freedom and life of letting go. 

That night I gathered everything that had to do with Michael, our past and every picture and article. I put it all in a garbage bag and Gene took it away with him and the guys when they left. The three men in white ministry t-shirts had come and taken away the stinking dead body of the past. I could now start over. All my life growing up and throughout my married life, I considered the counseling and counselors...psychologists, doctors, Priests, family, friends, and in-laws; “no one” ever reflected to me the simplest and most fundamental thing I must first do...”Put out the offender”...stop living with your tormentors. The fundamental words of the Master “he who loses his life will find it. He who keeps his life will lose it!”

So let us go back to one year after Michael’s sentencing when Gene and I married.... I had said that my mind-set was one of doubt, that any day now, everything would fall apart. Although I was truly free from Michael, I was not at all free from my foundational enemy, “Rejection”! There is a scripture in Jeremiah 17:1 which says, “the sin of Judah is written with a pen of iron, with the point of a diamond is it graven upon the table of their heart.”....this is exactly what rejection throughout my lifetime had done to me. Rejection was deeply engraved in my soul. 

I heard, saw, and responded to most people out of the engravend spirit of rejection in my heart. I always felt like there was something that I needed to do for people so that they would not reject me. I believed it was my responsibility to prove myself in all relationships, and failed to see the responsibility of others. I don’t think Michael had people in his life hold him responsible, and I knew it was a tragedy that he believed life didn’t have consequences. 

It created great fear and doubt in me toward others also because I never thought that I could ultimately do enough in the relationship to keep it free from offense. This created skepticism and control in me toward those who were closest. I was so afraid of being rejected, I would create scenario’s to get Gene to reject me. I didn’t believe he could love me. I would many times “third-degree” him when he was out during the day, thinking that he would end up being as unfaithful to me as Michael was. 

I’ll never forget the look on his face and what he said to me when the Lord opened his understanding to my accusations and fears.  He said, “I am willing to prove my love and faithfulness to you by logging my time and meetings. I’ll tell you who I’ve seen, what was said, how long it took and where I went next if it will help you to know that I love you and will never be unfaithful!” I broke down crying for quite some time. This was a man who ran into responsibility, not away from it. He was willing to prove his love. I realized this was a man who knew and looked to Jesus. He responded to my problems spiritually, not carnally. It was making the difference between hell on earth, and heaven on earth in my soul.

To be continued...please click here for The End of Ceci's Story - Part Six

Special Note:  If you would like to go to the ministry website of sister Ceci, click here:  http://jumpforjesus.net/ 


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