"I LOVE YOU MOM, WHEREVER YOU ARE!"
(The Bill Allen Story)

By: Bill Allen

My mom was the positive influence in my life. She was always building me up. She called me a trooper. In addition to being my mom she was also my best friend.

Mom loved horses. She taught me to ride at three years old. Even when I was just a little kid mom and I would ride in horse shows together. We went everywhere together. Mom loved to shop. I even went shopping with her just to be with her. I didn’t like it though, it was boring, but I went just to be with her. Shopping is a girl’s thing.

When I was about ten years old we moved to the country and Pop (that’s what I called my father) built mom a stable on five acres of land. She would teach riding lessons and rent and board horses, and I grew up roaming the woods on my horse and hunting and fishing and stuff like that. It was a good life and I loved it.

When I was 13 my dad got the idea that I should go to military school. He was afraid that mom would spoil me or I would grow up to be a sissy being around women all the time...ha, fat chance! I wish pop would have kept his machismo ideas to himself, but I went for two years, and I’d never been so homesick in my life.

When I was fourteen I talked mom into letting me take flying lessons. The war was just over and flying lessons were cheap and you could solo at fourteen and get your private license at sixteen. They wrote me up in the paper, as the youngest pilot in the history of Shreveport. I’ve still got the picture. Then I got Mom interested in flying and we bought a plane. The newspaper article was entitled, "Mother and Son Flying Team."

When I became high school age my dad got another of his machismo ideas. We should sell mom’s stable and move to town and buy a fancy house in the best section of town, ostensibly so I could have a social life. Personally I believe that he manipulated mom into this just to gratify an ego trip. He had made money during the war and now he wanted to be a big shot. This turned out to be the worst mistake he ever made.

So we bought the big house and moved into town and I got the social life that dad wanted and a convertible. But secretly mom wasn’t happy. But she kept it from me. She missed her stable and her horses and the big house and fine furniture didn’t mean a thing to her. And besides, her little boy was growing up and she felt I didn’t need her anymore. I guess she got depressed, but we didn’t know what that was in those days.

One night about 2:00 AM my dad came into my room and woke me up. He said, "Son, prepare yourself for the most serious thing that ever happened to you!" I woke up with a start, "What," I said." He then said to me, "Your Mother has just shot herself !" I ran into moms bedroom. She was unconscious. I laid her head in my lap and just held her. There was a bullet hole in her temple. She died in my arms. There are no words sufficient to describe the pain I felt. My heart literally broke inside me. It was if I had died too.

It was April Fools day.

I felt like a zombie. Walking around dead. I started drinking to kill the pain, but I couldn’t cry it hurt too bad! I went through the next forty years of my life like that all dead inside but I still couldn’t cry. Till finally one day I looked in the mirror. I didn’t like the person I saw. I went to Alcoholics Anonymous and quit drinking.

One night a spirit came to me and held my hand. I felt that my mother’s spirit was in the room. I talked to her and forgave her. Then it lifted. Something comforted me all that night. It must have been the Holy Ghost.

I won’t go into all the details of all the suffering that Alcoholism cost me, about the bankruptcy or my marriage breaking up because it’s not relative to this story. I just hung onto AA because it was all that I had at the time to go on.

Then one day God called me. He told me to move to Oklahoma City that I had a friend there that he wanted me to meet. I kept getting confirmations that I should move to Oklahoma City so I went. I loved it, Oklahoma City is a spiritual place. The big sky. I’ve never seen so many stars in my life. At night all you can see are stars from horizon to horizon. And the friend I was to meet turned out to be Jesus.

Jesus became everything I needed. My best friend, my Heavenly father and my mother. Words can’t describe what it is like to get born again. It’s like literally getting born again. Suddenly you're brand new. All the old hurt and guilt of the past is gone and life is filled with hope and wonder. The sun shines brighter and the moon is bigger and the flowers smell sweeter and the birds sing prettier and suddenly life is wonderful. And miracles are an every day occurrence. Suddenly everybody is nicer to you than ever and you make friends everywhere you go.

I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for my new life with Jesus.  I’ve had every material thing that a man could want but it didn’t mean a thing without him.

My mothers tragic death left it’s mark on me. For twelve years I went around rescuing young women in their early thirties. Just the age my mother was when she died. My testimony has averted several suicides and I have been able to lead several young women to the Lord.

I spent seven years in the street ministry working with the prostitutes, feeding them, clothing them, and taking them in when necessary, nursing them when they were sick and visiting them when they were in Jail. They called me their pastor. It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.

Living for Jesus isn’t easy but it is the most rewarding life that a person can have. Jesus is in a war. A war between good and evil, and he calls you to be a soldier in the army of God.

I hope my mother is in Heaven. She never talked to me about things like that. She kept too much to herself and it killed her. I love you Mom, wherever you are!

If you would like to hear more of this testimony, just email me at bigapplebill@truevine.net and say "send more".  It is also available on cassette tape and if you would like to have one, please send your name and mailing address and it will be mailed to you free of charge.

An Invitation...

Perhaps you're just surfing and after reading this, have realized that you are in need of a Savior. God loves you so very much and sent His very Best to take our sin burden.

John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on Him, should not perish, but have everlasting life".

Romans 10:13 says,  "For we have all sinned and come short of the Glory of God".

Christ has paid the debt He did not owe, because we owed a debt we could not pay.

If you have never asked Jesus Christ into your heart, please prayerfully consider doing so. He is our Light in the Darkness and our Bridge over troubled water; He is our Peace.

Dear Reader - are you at peace with God?  If not, you can be.  Do you know what awaits you when you die?  You can have the assurance from the Holy Spirit that heaven will be your home, if you would like to be certain.  Either Jesus Christ died for yours sins, or He didn't (He did!).  Are you prepared to stand before God on the Judgment Day and tell Him that you didn't need the shed blood of Jesus Christ on the Cross to cover your sins?  We plead with you ... please don't make such a tragic mistake.

To be at peace with God; to make certain heaven will be your home for eternity; to make certain that you are in right-standing with God right now ... please click here to help understand the importance of being reconciled to God.  What you do about being reconciled to God will determine where you will spend eternity, precious one.  Your decision to be reconciled to God is the most important decision you'll ever make in this life.